Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Dollar Store Drama

I was at the Dollar Store this past week.  Very interesting (and somewhat stinky,sticky, and grimy) place.  I needed a picture frame for Koley's room.  Boom.  Dollar store.  There were 3 people in front of me in the singular lane they had open.  Both had carts full of things.  No biggie.  I never mind waiting in line.  The first lady was wearing this big wavy shawl and looked to have cleared out the Christmas decorations.  The checker was scanning all these miniature nutcrackers and he was on like the 17th one and she said, "Wait.  Are those only a dollar?"  Apparently I was the only one who thought that was funny because I busted out laughing. Aaaaaand no one else did. The checker didn't even look up he just said, "Yeah."  And the woman ran off to get more. 
I mean.
Come on.
Everything in the Dollar Store is a dollar.  It's the premise of the store.  Everything in her cart he scanned before the nutcrackers were a dollar.  Each of the 17 scanned so far were a dollar.  How did she not grab hold of the idea?  I figured by the looks of her cart she certainly knew everything was a dollar.  She walked in under the huge green sign that said "Everything's 1.00"  Her total was $133.92.  I think the most I've spent at the dollar store was $12.  On balloons.
Then there was a couple that was probably in their late 60s or early 70s.  They had around 20 things and as they were leaving and I saw the man's cane leaning against the scan belt thing.  So, I said, "Sir, you forgot your cane."  I said it with a smile, may I add.  The man said all gruffly, "It's a WALKING STICK!" 
Sure looked like a cane to me... but it being the Yuletide... I kept it in and said, "Well, I don't want you to be missing your walking stick."  Still smiling! 
He snaps back:
"I only use it for balance!"
I was kind of at a loss for words.  I mean.  I obviously offended him by calling it a cane.  Which it was.  Crooked top.  Rubber stopper on the end. That little black cloth loop used to put around your wrist.  Used for balance.  It was a cane by definition.
But I didn't want this old guy more bent of shape than he already was.
I smiled at him and said, "Merry Christmas, sir."
"It's not a cane!  I don't need a cane!  This is a walking stick!"
At this point he was shaking his cane at me.  And I figured... what the hell.
"Well I'm SORRY I called your walking stick a cane.  I'm not up to date on the differences.  It looked like a cane.  You were going to forget it.  I was reaching out!  Helping a brother in need!  From now on...."
He interrupted:
"Young lady!  This is a walking stick!  Look at it!  Not a cane!  I get dizzy sometimes!  I have weak knees!  It's to help me walk!  It's a walking stick!"
"That's a cane. And I think someone just told you it was a walking stick to make you feel better."
"You're WRONG!," he shouted.  His wife started tugging at his coat. 
"I just didn't want you to forget it, man."
"I'm not forgetful!  And I don't need a cane!"
Erroneous on both accounts.
But, I told him Merry Christmas again and gave him a wink.
And you know what?
He winked back.

Goodwill to men after all.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Letter to Santa from My 8-year Old Self

November 15, 1992

Dear Santa,
All I really want for Christmas is a dog.  My sister, Vicky who is also writing to you wants one too.  (She already got Pebbles.)  Could I please have a dog?  I'm trying to earn one but it isn't working out.  My sister, Vicky said she would help.  And the dog would be mine.  She said her pay would be a little dog to kick when it tugs her leg. 
Oh, by the way, How are you?
I Love You!

P.S.S.  In the other envelope there are pictures.  On the back it says what it is.
P.P.S.S.  If time send back pictures.

Few things I love about this correspondence to Mr. C.  1.) My use of commas.  Not always completely correct but I did try for correct comma placement.  2.)  My afterthought to ask Santa how he was doing?  3.)  How this letter is more about my sister, Vicky, than getting a dog for Christmas.  4.)  I asked Santa if I could have one.  Not if he would being me one.  Like my parents were Mom, Dad, and Santa.  5.)  Vicky's payment would be a little dog to kick?  What?!  It's a good thing Santa didn't bring a dog into our abusive environment.  Sheesh!  Not a big selling point there.  6.)  I told Santa I loved him.  Always say that too soon.  7.)  My post scripts.  I got the "PS."  Then made is "PSS."  Not knowing then (or for the next 17 years what PS stood for.  And, finally, making it "PPSS."  I guess just in case it was "PSS." (Which I think is what a snake says.)  Or in case it was supposed to be "PPS" and I messed up the first time.

I only wish I knew what pictures I sent him.