"C" is for Confrontation

If I was to alter my name slightly, it would become Patty PeaceMaker Poulsen.  I never pick a fight and go out of my way to avoid people who do.
Maybe I should add intentionally to that sentence.
I never INTENTIONALLY pick a fight....
... but it seems like every time I'm out in public there I am face to face with a stranger...fighting.
There's the Winco Bagel Non-Tongs User Confrontation
The University Bookstore Confrontation of 2011
The Summer of the Wireless Internet Debacle

They just come up.  I can't help it.  Something about me must scream "PICK A FIGHT WITH ME!"
It happens every single time I go into our Blockbuster.  Which, by the way, is about the lamest video store I've been in.  They actually have bare shelves.  Ken says they are bankrupt and going out of business- so maybe this store is just like what's left.  But it's so sad in there.  And smells really bleach-y and butter-y.  Which is the perfect recipe for vomit-ty bile.

A couple months ago I went to get Captain America.  (You can cross it off your rental list if it's on there.  Not that great.)  I went over to the scanty New Release wall and just saw all these Captain America post cards lined up.  I picked one up and stared at it.  Maybe they are keeping them behind the counter?  Is this movie that good?
Beside me was a woman in her 60s also examining a postcard.  She asked, "Do you know what this is?"  I told her I didn't but certainly would find out for us.  So!  I marched up to the counter and asked the clerk.  "We put those there when a movie is totally checked out." 
I was a little confused.
"Oh.  So we can like go on a waiting list?"
"No.  Just so you know we do carry it."
Still thinking it's a dumb idea I said, "Oh!  Cool."
See how non-confrontational I am?
The clerk then says, "I did just get one back though.  Do you want to rent it?"

At this moment I felt torn.

Yes.  I did want to rent the movie.  I also wanted to let that old lady know what the postcards were for.  But there were people in line behind me- I didn't want to hold up the whole store.  So I just told the guy 'yes' and figured I'd stick the movie in my purse and explain it all to the granny when I was done.
But wouldn't you know it....
...she came walking right up next to me.
Like we came in together or something.
"Did you find out what it was for?"
"Yeah.  It means they are sold out."
The woman looks at the counter, sees a copy, and realizes a transaction is happening.
She says, "It looks like you managed a copy."  And she said it with all this gooey emphasis on you.  Real snobby, you know?
"Well... um... I came up here to ask him what it was.  And he told me.  And then he said he just got one in."
"And you think YOU should get it?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Well, I want to watch it too."
"Well I was here first."  (I felt myself stooping to a kindergarten playground fight over who gets the tire swing.)
"Well we both had a post card."
"Well you just stood by the wall.  I'm the one who came up here and turned my postcard in."
"You practically raced up here!  You didn't give me a chance to say I wanted to come and find out."
"Uh!  Yeah right.  I was doing you a service.  Trying to be helpful."
"Stealing a movie I want to watch is helpful?"

The exchange continued for quite sometime and ended when I sorta yelled an invitation for her to come over to my house that night and watch it with me and my husband. 
And you know... SHE had the nerve to storm out.
Some ball-sy grandma.

What did I do so wrong?

THEN!  Just two weeks ago I was in there and there was a mother with like 4 dirty, sticky, yelling kids standing about 15 feet away from the register.  They were discussing which movies to get.  I was hesitant in going right up to the register wondering if that would be considering "cutting" and therefor removal from the park.  So I waited off to the side for 2 or 3 minutes.  The clerk looked at me and I looked at her and mouthed, "Are they in line?"  She rolled her eyes and motioned for me to come up.  So I did.
THAT was a mistake.
The over-tanned mom dressed in her "I Love Pink" VS lounge wear went off on me.  For... yeah... cutting in line.  For setting a bad example for her children.  Not being patient.  Collapsing the economy.  Creating weapons of mass destruction.  (The Dub MDs)  It was insane.  I was blamed and scolded for pretty much everything that seemed to be wrong in her life.  Except that dreadful hot pink outfit.  And Uggs.  If that had come up... I would have said something.  But I didn't. I didn't even have to egg her on.  She just took off like a jack rabbit. 
I stepped aside and gave the grand arm gesture to "Please, ma'am.  Take my spot.  And shut up quickly."
The worse part was... after she gave me my "talking to" she went back to arguing with her kids about which movie they wanted.  And I just stood there waiting.

Ken always tells me (and I'm starting to believe him) that I bring out the best in people.
Or maybe it's Blockbuster.  Maybe I should stick to RedBox.

"B" is for Barbies

My Barbie, Alan, was the bishop and got to conduct Testimony Meeting if we were allowed to play on Sunday.  I had a black Barbie named Kevin Mosley.  (A lot of our Barbies were name after people in our real lives.)  I bought him because Andi had a black girl Barbie and no one would date her.  (White snobs.)  My Barbies weren't the "cool"  Barbies.  Really, only Vicky and Julie had cool Barbies.  As hard as me and Andi tried- our Barbies were just awkward story fillers.
Maybe that's because I named my girl Barbies, Midge and Pearl.  Pearl played "Happy Birthday" if you lifted her arm.  Midge got her head ripped off and after her "surgery" looked more like a hunchback than a woman.  Very shruggy.  No neck.  Luckily, she was already married to Alan.  Who was mine.   

Sure, there was the off chance that if Tony (Vicky's Barbie) was out of town then Lori (Julie's Barbie) might go out with one of mine or Andi's Barbies.  But it would go no further than one charity date.  And there was never a good night kiss.
We played Barbies in real time.  Stories picked up where they left off.  As Vicky has said, "When Lindsay Bennighoff would come over to play with us and pitch something crazy like, 'Let's have a wedding,' we'd blink at her blankly.  Like, that takes development."

When I get real nostalgic and drift off to Barbie Land it kinda makes me wish I had girls instead of boys.
And then I read this that Andi wrote about her Barbie and realize... It's better this way.

I bought the 1996 Atlanta Summer Olympics Barbie Doll and named her Karen.  Karen had screws at every joint for full acrobatic use.  She was also a redhead with curled bangs.  My risky buy did not pay off.  After all, Karen did not belong to Vicky or Julie, therefore she could not be cool.  In fact, she was more of a handicapped outcast.  Her awkward joints and limbs were always bent the wrong way, and she came in a white body suit with the Olympic rings.  No shoes and no accessories except a gold medal.  I stripped her of all Olympic markings out of sheer embarrassment in the first week or so, but no party dress could get rid of those horrific screws in her ankles, knees, wrists, and shoulders.

"A"gainst Weathermen in General

I'm big on knowing what the weather is going to be for tomorrow.  I like mentally planning activities.  When it's supposed to be sunny tomorrow I sleep better.  I've got the weather app.  I'm neither super trendy or ultra techy and "app" is one of my least favorite words... but it came on the device.
And it stinks. 
Sure you can pick any no name city in the world and it'll tell you what the weather is, but I am of the persuasion that all weather predictors (men, women, machine, other) just generally don't know what they are talking about. 
I noticed this last spring while I was still living in Idaho.  I'd check the weather report.  It'd have sunshine balls for every day of the week.  With temps in the mid 50s to low 60s.  Warmed the cackles of my heart just seeing those glowing orbs.  I'd head to the garage and pump up the bike tires, consider unpacking summer clothes, and gear up for opening the windows to let some of the fresh Spring air in.  *inhale.......BIG exhale*  Things were looking up.  Monday comes around and it is sunny until like 10am.  Then it starts raining.  I re-check the weather.  Still sunny according to their dorky Doppler predictions.  I'd give it 20 minutes and bam.  The next three days changed from sunny to rainy.  And I am left to think, "How did you not see it coming... before it actually happened.  I mean I saw the clouds rolling in."

This weekend weather predictors have proved to be at their worst.  According to my Apple Weather App, Saturday was supposed to be 79 and sunny.  They were off by about 10 degrees and cloud cover.  (And immense winds... but I know that's hard to come up with a graphic for.  So no apologies needed there.)  Today was supposed to be 55 and overcast.  It's snowing/hailing and might be 30 degrees out there. 
I get that it's just a prediction.  Which is a guess.  It's what they think will happen.  But my guess is that with billions of dollars of super fancy equipment (not actual statistic) they should be able be a little more accurate. I get the feeling they go to work roll up their sleeves, put their feet on the desk, and forecast "SUN!"

Maybe they can get a refund on all that equipment and just install a window in the laboratory.  That seems to be how they "predict" it anyway.