Monday, November 8, 2010

The Bagel Altercation

Hello Denmark viewers! This post is for you.


I was at Winco getting the most fantastic bagels made by man. They make them fresh every single day. They are stinking huge and the variety is incredible. I bet there are at least 15 different types. Jalapeno Cheddar, Megaberry, Cinnamon Raisin, Onion, Herb and Cheese, Asiago. I could go on. I will. Blueberry, Chocolate Chip, Around the World, Veggie Delight. I've tried them all and they are all fabulous. And have I mentioned they are incredibly inexpensive. You can get a dozen bagels for $3.15. So,being a bagel lover I stock up one a week. Twice a week if I am feeling extra carby.

I was there on Friday getting my fix. They are held in fold out bins. All over the bins are labels that say "Please Do Not Use Your Hands." And there is a picture of a hand with the no slash over it. A man in his mid-fifties maybe sixties came up and started cruising the containers. I was already selecting mine and carefully picking them up with the tongs and placing them in my bag. This man opens a container puts his HAND in and starts moving all the bagels around! Not touching one and putting in his bag. Picking it up, examining it, and if it didn't meet his expectations he would put it back! Yes, I was shocked. But I thought Who am I to tell this man what to do? I noticed there weren't any tongs on his side. So when I was done I handed him mine with a smile. A small, innocent gesture. The following ensued:


P: Here you go.

Man: What?

P: Here are some tongs so you can pick your bagels.

M: Why do you think I need those?

P: To pick your bagels out.

M: I'm getting my bagels just fine.

P: Yes, but you are not supposed to use your hands.

M: Are you patrolling this area?

P: No. But there are signs on every container saying not to use your hands and that picture with the hand and the "no-slash" over it.

M: That's a request. It only says please.

P: A request?! No. It's not a request. It's a mandate. You can't use your hands. That's why they provide these tongs. (again presenting man with tongs)

M: Do you think my hands are dirty?

P: No, I don't. But I don't want YOUR hands on MY bagels.

M: As I recall I didn't touch YOUR bagels. I touched MY bagels.

P: Yeah. AND every one that didn't pass your quality control that you put back.

M: Why were you watching me so closely?!

P: I just noticed you! I noticed you were picking the same bagels I like! I noticed you didn't take the time to find a pair of tongs! I noticed you used your hands! And I noticed you put some back AFTER you touched them! Use these!

M: I'm not going to use those tongs!

P: I can't believe you!

M: Well!

P: FINE!!


I slammed the tongs back in their container. And stormed off. I actually couldn't believe myself. Where's my Bagel Police badge? I've obviously earned it. It reminded me of the old Patty. She was fiery. Always picking fights with strangers. A lot like Larry David.

5 comments:

johnandjana said...

Good for you Patty! I thought you were going to tell me that the man from "What would you do"? stepped out and said they had you on camera. I'm glad you let him have it though. I wouldn't have wanted those bagels after he handled them all.

Cinderella, the A-Train and Our Little Caboose said...

That's awesome. I LOVE bagels...infact I had a bagel sandwich for lunch today. It grosses me out to think of someone fishing around in the bagel bin with their fingers. Clean or not, I don't know where they have been! Way to stand up to him, I know I would never have the guts!

Karlenn said...

Hahaha! Dude, most men do not wash their hands after going pee, so I am really grossed out that he wasn't using the tongs. I'm glad you stuck your chin out on that one. I had an altercation with a butthead in the parking lot of Shopko today. There are too many buttheads in this world.

Nat said...

Okay, so at first I was like, I should go to Winco for bagels, because I too am in love with them. But if that man is a regular, then NO THANKS! Ewww. But good for you for sticking it to him. Next time you go in you should make a little Bagel Police badge and wear it.

Chris-baby + Jules-a-bug said...

Patsmo, your blog looks sooo sooo...refreshed! :)