The Boys Flourished!

Right before we left.  Kole was running around telling us to "Get Out of Here!"
GLADLY.

Koley:  Hey!  We made cookies last night, Grandma.
Grandma Ginger:  Um...no we didn't.
Koley:  Oh!  Then we better make some now!

And then they made peanut butter oatmeal cookies.  The kid can play a card.

Grandma Ginger was explaining to Kole that she is my mom.  "Patty is my daughter.  I'm her Mom.  And now she's your Mom.  But first she was my daughter."  Apparently, Kole took at her with disbelief and then said:
"Yeah.  I had a daughter, too.  But she died."

So many shockers in that sentence. 

Joey wouldn't drink a bottle the whole time we were away.  But he didn't go hungry....

And Kole didn't cry the whole time we were gone.  But he got a little "defensive" on Thursday.  Telling my mom that this is his house and she should leave so Mom and Daddy can come home again.  Mom said he kept giving her a hard time and telling her to leave so she suggested they all go to the store and get a treat!  Good move, Grandma!  Kole of course loved this idea and yelled, "Yeah!  Let's go the gas station and get Cow Tales!" 

He gives away all my secrets. 

I loved that every time I called (twice a day) no one was crying.  No one was screaming.  Every one was giggling!  That made vacation more vacation-y. And my Mom kept telling me, "It's a vacation for them too."

Kole got a lesson in pic-a-nic-ing.  Aaaaand wants to have one everyday now.
Me too. I guess.

Popsicle WHILE riding his horse.  Talk about a perfect day.

Aside from absolutely no worrying, the best part was coming home and my house was super clean.  The dishwasher was empty and there were no dishes in the sink.  That... has not happened in my married life.  Then I kept finding little surprises around the house.  Our bed was fixed really well and the covers were tucked in so tight...  I love that.   A couple cans of fruit cocktail (which I la-HOVE) were in the cupboard.  I'd open a drawer in the kitchen and it would be all organized.  There were plug protectors where they hadn't been before.  Where they needed to be.  My shower drained super fast because mom took the drain off and cleared all my hair out of it.  Anytime I opened something up I was like, "Oh!  Mom did that!  Wow!"

And!  Best part.  There was a candy bar in my nightstand drawer.

Las Vegas

Day 1:  I overdosed on Motion Sickness medicine and was zonked out from before we took off and far after we landed.  I was dizzy and woozy and for the second time in my life thought, I get why people are into prescription meds.  We stopped at our room just long enough to drop off our bags and we were off again.
Highlight of the day?
Dinner at Bouchon. (Boo-shawn.)

Ken had the adventurous Leg of Lamb and I had a Steak with Pommes Frites.  (aka Frenchie Fries).  I enjoyed a large salad with goat cheese, multiple pieces of braided bread, seeing how many sips of water I had to take before the waiter came over (answer:2), having the table cleaned with a razor/butter knife looking contraption when I dropped crumbs, and dining with other people who would have ridden First Class on the Titanic.  It was incredible, to momentarily, think "I've made it.  This is the good life." It was double hands slammed down the best food I've ever had.

Daily winnings: $5.


Day Two: I was flying solo.  Ken had meetings all day and I was gonna hit the strip.  All by myself.  Could not have been happier about that.  I love my Kenmo but it's been YEARS since I've been totally alone. It felt good to take a long shower and enjoy an full hour of getting ready while watching back to back episodes of Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

I took this picture even though I'm really bad at taking food pictures.  It felt so classy.  Eating crepes at The Paris while reading in a cafe.  But... one bite into my crepe I wished I would have gotten the caramel apple one.  And... since I was on vacation (not to mention a bit of a winning streak)... I threw this savory French cheese and ham one in the garbaj (<--- note the French pronunciation) and ordered me-self the Caramel Apple one.  THEN (!)  I sat there and read in the cafe while eating a really good crepe.

That night we were taken to dinner at The Palm.  Which is where Don Draper has dinner. And even though his in New York...I ordered an Old Fashioned in his honor.  And... Ken cancelled my order.  Weenie.  That night I had another steak.  What?   I'm a meatie! Steaks are delicious!  We ate with Ken's boss and I laughed so hard from stories he was telling us from college my sides hurt. And I had flourless chocolate cake... which should have been called, "Cake-Sized Piece of Fudge."  Wonderfully over the top.
Daily winnings: $9.25

We rode to the top of The Eiffel Tower.  460 feet about the strip.  Ken stayed insanely close to the inside edge and he worried I was insanely close to the outer edge.  It was gorgeous.  And the Fountains from that viewpoint were worth watching twice.

We saw a scandalously funny musical, Rock of Ages.  All power ballads and Journey and You should've been gone!  Knowing how I made you feel. I sang my heart out and left with a sore throat.  I could have been the only one singing... but I heard Ken's boss sing a bar here and there.  And I should've been gone!  After all your words of steel.  I was the first audience member up on my feet making fist pumps though.  I started something incredible.  It was fantastic.  Highlight.  Definitely.

After-Show Me...singing.... Here I go again on my oooowwn. Ba Dum BA DUM!

Going down the only road I've ever knooOOOWN!

This was walking back to our hotel (The Paris) on our last night.  We watched the fountains over and over.  And noticed that a little family of ducks lives on the 8 acre lake outside of The Bellagio... and when the fountains power up and the music starts those ducks are in a frenzied panic.  They are paddling around going Uh!  Oh! Uh! Oh! What do we do?  Where do we go?  This is getting scary?  Hold on little duckies!  Swim over here.  Oh no.  Not there.  It's too wavy.    They just panic.  And it's really cute.  But does distract a bit from the water show, unfortunately.  
Friday we slept in, knowing it was our last opportunity... for who knows how long... and lounged by the pool... and picked up some swag for the tikeys.  We ate huge salads and big cookies and read books and talked about how easy it is not having kids.  It was heavenly.  Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.  And I made up my mind.... I ain't wastin no more tiiiiime!  Those songs stick with you.  And resonate with you!  I was missing my vacation before I even left.
When we got to the airport we both started missing Koley and Joe real bad.  Ken more than me.  Wert!  I guess when you're heading home that's your only choice, right?  Look for something to look forward to.  Because there are some harsh realities in coming home:

Bathroom at The Venetian before our show.

Bathroom at The Airport before our flight.

 

Tomorrow's post?  What happened with Kole, Joey, and Gramma Ginger while we were away.

Dream Woman

There are some things I wished I liked.  Things that upon liking would (in my own mind) make me cooler.  I know I'm already topping the cool-o-meter with my ....  ....  confidence.  I like me and that's something.  But I think I would be a more rounded individual if the following fit in my repertoire.

1.  Iced Tea.  I was walking out the gas station swinging a bottle of Iced Tea for my father in law and I just felt so cool and trendy.  I felt summer-y and relaxed.  When I realized it was the Iced Tea that made me feel that way I was totally bummed.  Because, I've tried Iced Tea, and I hate it.

2.  Regular Tea.  Ken downs herbal tea all winter long.  It smells so good.  And sipping tea, while reading?  Why can't that be me?  Because tea tastes like dirty water.  So I have to drink hot chocolate whilst reading... which is harder- because I load that mother up with marshmallows and then it's more a dessert you need to sit and eat.

3.  The Office.  Such a hit, hit show.  So many references are made to it/from it.  And... after Season 2... it lost it's fizzle for me.  And I lost some fizzle with society.  Wert.

4.  Gladiator Sandals on me.  I love gladiator sandals.  They are sexy and fun and look great with pants, leggings, skirts, shorts, dresses, bathing suits.  But when I wear them I looked like an actual gladiator.  With disproportionate muscle-y manly legs.  I look like Goliath.  I thought maybe it was just the black ones... like the color chopped in a bad spot... but the gold looks pretty bad on me too.  Am I wearing them wrong?  Is there something more than just putting them on your feet that I don't know about?

5.  Greek yogurt.  Trendy.  Healthy.  A little snobby.  All things I'm aspiring to be.  (wink!)  But Greek Yogurt makes me gag.   Even the smell.  Egh.  *shoulders up to ears cringing*

6.  The ability to kill spiders.  I've texted my neighbor and offered her $5 to come kill a spider for me.  I've trapped them under bowls or cups and put Post It notes on top saying, "There's a spider in here."  I've stood staring at them holding the vacuum tube for 30+ minutes.  But I just can't kill them.  And I wish I could.  Because I really look up to (and depend on) people who can.  It would just make me a little more self sufficient. Ya know?

Funny thing here.  After reading this list- I can't bend on any of them. If these 6 things were part of who I am... I would consider myself near perfect.  I guess I'm just 94% there.  And, hey, 94%,  That's a solid "A."  I'm pleased with that.

Double Duty: Dentist and DMV

I had to go to the dentist yesterday.  Cavities love my mouth.  I mean, I love candy, cakes, cookies, pop, caramel, taffy, pop tarts, brownies... so maybe one (Kenmo) would think I have it coming in the cavity area.  But my defense is, doesn't everyone love those things?  And I am the only who gets cavities all the time?  I guess if I have to get cavities so the rest of the world can enjoy sweets so be it.  I've always been the martyr-ing type.  So there were the cavities, and that root canal I never got crowned.  That chipped.  Mostly.  Off.  It was way in the back and I was thinking along the lines of... $1200 for a tooth no one even sees is such a waste.  So I told Ken I was just going to have it pulled.  And he told me I wasn't a hillbilly. 
I married up. *wink*
So, yesterday I spent an hour and forty five minutes in the dentist chair and although I've always considered myself a good sport when it came to dentistry, I felt severely beat up afterwards.  He filled two cavities, and... laser-ed off part of my gums that had grown too far down.  I didn't know that happened or that it was bad (or that it was legal to put a laser in someone's mouth).  But I do know what melted flesh taste like now.  So, win win.
Here's the kicker to the story.
In order to qualify for in-state tuition I had to have a Utah driver's license by May 1. 
Yesterday being such date, kids already at a sitter, I plotted over to the DMV after I finished up at the dentist.
Not yet realizing the complete stupidity.  I just figured it would be kinda a sucky morning.
I pulled into the DMV and whipped out my lipstick.  I pulled down my mirror and went to put on my lipstick and....Werrrrrrt.  Couldn't really stay in the lip lines.  I was numb.  Half my face was numb. 
This is when it hit me.
I'm completely numb on 50% of my face.
The good outfit I picked out isn't going to cover the fact that I look like Two Face.
Typical Patty Move.
I laughed which looked ridiculous and made me laugh even harder.  And drool.
After I wiped the lipstick off my side chin I went in and the first thing they wanted to do was take
my picture.
I figured- just go straight face.  Serious... and Mysterious.  Perfect.
But the little DMV lady said, "Why don't you smile?"
So... I did.
Well half my face smiled and the other half Quasimodo-ed.

Her eyes got real big and she said, "Oh!  You don't have to if you don't want to."
I started laughing again and told her I came over from a dentist appointment.
She laughed and told me I was dumb.  Which made me laugh harder.  And drool more.  Old people can just say that stuff.  She handed me some Kleenex and said she'd try a couple shots until we found a good one.

Yup.  That's the good one.  It doesn't even show my cute sweater or killer necklace.  I tried talking her into letting me have the one where I really Quasi-ed it up- but she said that would be inappropriate. Claiming "SANCTUARY!" only confused her.  God Bless The Outcasts.