Wednesday, April 4, 2012

"D" is for Didn't Know That

I've been married to ol' Kenner-roo for almost 7 years now.  To me, that's a long time.  That's the longest I've been married to anyone. 

Didn't know he sleeps in the middle of the bed every night.  Even when I try to nudge him out of the way.  Even when I politely whisper for a little space.  I don't get an inch.  The only thing I ever get is an elbow to the rib cage and some muttered nonsense about leaving him alone.

Didn't know he'd be so good at the volume control on the TV.  I'm young to be hard of hearing- but I am nonetheless.  And I (like my Dad) constantly adjust the volume through a movie.  So those bright green bars show up on the screen.  And linger.  Ken can grab the remote, set a number, and I can hear the whole movie without ever adjusting the volume.  Even when I set it to the same number (our magic number is 22)... it doesn't work for me.  So if I am watching a movie sans Ken... I still have him come down and set the volume for me.  It's the only way I can truly enjoy a cinematic feature.

Didn't know boys were so stinky.  I grew up with 4 sisters.  So I didn't fully comprehend things like sweat and "swass" (also known as Grumbus) and stank... to the level it reaches... until I married Ken.  Nor did I know how vital baby powder is.  For a grown man.

Didn't know he hates the way I drive.  We dated and I drove lots.  He never said anything.  Now I hear it all the time.  "Give that driver some space."  "Slow down!"  "Use your brakes."  "Don't use your brakes, just coast."  "Turn the steering wheel smoother."  Aye Aye Aye!  How did I survive on the wide open road without him?

Didn't know I didn't know how to cook.  Ken cooks every night.  In the seven years we've been married I think I've made 10 dinners.  All of which were mediocre.  3 of which were pancakes.  I really thought I'd be that all-star housewife.  Turns out I prefer to be cooked for, served, and cleaned up after.

Didn't know there'd be ups and downs sometimes several in the same day.  Living and coping with another human being, even someone you love, is trying.  For both of us.  And it's hard to talk about everything and be honest about feelings and maintain sexiness and figure out who does what and not be offended about the bed hogging and the grumbus and the driving remarks and the tickles that hurt more than they tickle.  And the chubby jokes.  I'm pregnant, remember?  I can eat all these Cool Ranch Doritos if I want to. 

Didn't know it would always be alright.  No matter what.  I figured it'd be a little more like the movies.  Call it naive.  But I figured there's be a few lamp-throwing fights.  One or two nights with one of us on the couch.  A few days of silence.  But there hasn't been.  Ever.  It's always been alright.  We smooth it over.  Talk it out.  And reassure each other that we're in it to win it.  Our Marital Motto is:  Team Work Makes The Dream Work.

Oh come on!  You don't have a marital motto? 
Phst.  Slackers.

Check out my double chin.  I'm sexy and I know it.


Juli said...

Our marital motto is "Positive thoughts get positive results."

It is also secretly, "I'm never getting divorced again, so prepare to die in your sleep."


Whatever works.

Kar said...

I just loved this post, Pats. Marriage really is soooo much work. But worth it. And you eat all the Cool Ranch Doritos you want. That's MY motto of LIFE.

Nikki said...

I loved this post :) It was so sweet! It made me laugh when you wrote about the space-in-bed thing. I'm in a long distance relationship and staying in Sweden with my boyfriend at the moment, sharing a single bed. Every night I wake up pressed up against the wall with elbows in my ribs. I have to shout at him in Swedish to get him to move :)

Lovely blog, I'm following you :)

Nikki – inspire nordic

Cathy Olliffe-Webster said...

"Longest I've been married to anyone." You had me from the get-go, girl! Funny post! I love that you call your husband Kenner-roo... And what are you TALKING about, "I wish I could write like you?"
Pshaw... you write like CRAZY! Consider me a happy new follower!

Cathy Olliffe-Webster said...

Also, Juli's comment: "I'm never getting divorced again, so prepare to die in your sleep." BAHAHAHAHAHA!

Beth Willmore said...

Ok I'm laughing so hard right now! Our 9 year anniversary is coming up and I think probably once a day, "What the heck?!" about Jared. It is hard living with another person but I totally echo Juli when I tell Jared, "I'm never getting divorced so if things get to that point, I will kill you and bury you in the yard." He laughs so I guess he isn't too scared, but I still have to remind him sometimes!
As always your post brightened my day!

Mike and Madelyn said...

Epic. You had me rolling and then the swass put me over the edge! Guys do stink and I love how woman somehow dont realize that and the best part is we dont care. We are also disgusting in the bathroom but then again so are women. Wrap all that up and try to maintain somesort of sexiness or mystery and its a miracle guys and girls even sit in the same room as each other. Somehow it works and i think that having a marriage motto is the key, now i need to get on that!

SkippyMom said...

Being married is the sweetest, easiest thing in the world for Pooldad & me. [yes, I can say that for him b/c he says it to me all the time :)] & even after 17 years it comes down to we know what it is to be married to people that are mean, manipulative & just hated life. [Might explain why both of our exes died a few years back.] If we considered it an effort to be married what would be the point? Sure we disagree, but never on big issues & we always "play fair". We have been through so much together but I have never once questioned my husband's love & support; nor him mine. I know you get it b/c you like being married as much as we do. heehee

& dang if y'all aren't the CUTEST couple I have seen. I bet you still get butterflies when you hear his voice too, don't you? Despite everything, heck no one is perfect - especially me, but I count my blessings every night. :D

I really liked this post. Spot on Patty!

Lynn Proctor said...

marriage is a marathon isn't it--lovely post!

Damyanti said...

Oh man, that's the most adorable post I've read in the challenge so far, and I've read quite a few :)

--Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2012

Twitter: @AprilA2Z