Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Christmas Terrors

This ornament scares the sugar plums out of Koley.

It's hard to get a decent shot of these mystical creatures.

It's a unicorn.  Let's call it a Christmas Unicorn... then that answers the question of why I have a unicorn on my tree. I don't know why Koley is terrified of it.
One day we were sitting looking at the tree... like we do every day... and he just started screaming as if he saw The Ghost of Christmas Past.  I couldn't figure out what it was!   After I asked "What?"  thirty times, the poor boy musters up the courage to touch this Unicorn of Dread and then run from the room.  I took it off the bottom of the tree and hung it at the top where he wouldn't be able to see it.  But that Koley.  After I calmed him all down and told him the ornament wasn't scary and we were safe and I broke out the coconut Chex Mix (that always helps) and coaxed him back by the tree and under the blanket... he started scouring the tree.  He wanted to be sure the unicorn was gone.  It took awhile.  But he found it.  And screamed his head off.  And I'm sure lost some trust in me.  I tried taking it off (as he watched) and putting it in the cupboards under the entertainment center.  But he would just scream and cry and point to the door.  Like the fluffy, cotton filled, ornament mightt just break through those doors and get him!  So... it's been sitting on top of the fridge back behind some old mail.  Where it can no longer terrorize the Christmas Spirits of young children.

And, I'm signing off until the New Year.
No need for me to explain.

Merry Christmas.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Our Family Christmas Picture

We tried to leave our ward Christmas party before Santa came.  I wasn't feeling particularly well, Ken had homework, and Kole was ready for a nap.  On the way to the door a lady grabbed us and asked if we were leaving.  "Yup!," I responded, "The party was great.  Thank you." 
"Well, just come in here one minute."
We were trapped.
There was Santa, The Mrs., and 2 merry elves waiting in a little room for... us!
Ken immediately said, "No way.  We're leaving."
"Yeah," I agreed with a smile to the crowd, "Kole's too young this year."
But this was a very pushy group of Kringles.
Santa reached for Kole which started him into hysterics.  Ken took Kole back as we tried again to decline and reached for our coats... but the photographer shut the door and ominously announced, "Every one gets their picture with Santa."
Mrs. Claus tried giving Koley a toy.  More crying.
The elves made funny faces.  Crying peaks.
Santa told me to sit on his lap.  I wanted to cry.
I absolutely hate the idea of adults sitting on Santa's lap. It's wrong. And uncomfortable. And this Santa smelled a little like moldy cheese.

Mrs. Claus told Ken to sit on her lap.  I don't think he even gave a response.  He just remained standing as if she didn't say anything.
And on the count of three....
a Poulsen Christmas classic was captured.
It's timeless.

I love that me and one of the elves are the only ones smiling at the camera.  Santa looks like he is going to smack Kole.  And the little elf... just staring at that poor crying baby wondering how he got ringed into dressing up to hear babies cry.  And, my favorite, Ken's face.  When we got in the car he said, "That was photo rape."

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Elle. Ey. Zee. Why.

You know, before Kole goes down for his (now only) nap of the day I reach my peak of energy.  While doing a last diaper change and helping him put his books back on the shelf- my mind is thinking of all the things I am going to do while he is sleeping:
  1. Put something in the crock pot for dinner.
  2. Load/unload the dishwasher.
  3. Haul those 4 bushels of clean clothes upstairs.
  4. And put them away.
  5. Write a charming and witty blog post.
  6. Shower?  (eh... maybe.)
  7. Get that upstairs toilet scrubbed.  I hate vomiting into a disgusting toilet.  I'd rather it be sparkly and bleach-y smelling.
  8. Lose the ring around the tub.  One baby leaves quite a mark.
  9. Haul those stinky "PU" diapers outside.  A must.
  10. Address my Christmas cards.
  11. Make sugar cookies!  With frosting and sprinkles.
  12. Have a snack... Nachos... with a side of egg salad sandwiches on those mini Hawaiian rolls.  And a pickle.
  13. Shop online and pretend I have all the money in the world.
  14. Call Natsmo.
  15. Sign the Christmas cards.
  16. Write thank you notes.
  17. Dust my hall bookcases.  It's getting gross.
  18. Clean out under the bathroom sink.
  19. Catch up on some "Glee."
  20. Wrap Ken's presents.
  21. Learn to knit.
  22. Get around to the second journal entry for the new baby.  Totally neglected.
  23. Get dressed and fix my wretched hair.
  24. Think of and create a Christmas craft for all my neighbors that have been dropping off yule tide cheer.
  25. Finish the lame book I am reading so I can finally start a good one.  Seriously- 2 duds in a row.
  26. Upload all the pictures off my camera and categorize them online.
The list is endless and I am on a buzzy high all excited about my own "me" time coming up.  I lay Koley down, no tears, no fuss.  I shut his door.  Pick up the pail of diapers, take it to the dumpster- and I am worn out. 
I go up to my room.
Turn off my phone.
Shut the blinds.
And lay down.

I'm out.

2 hours later, Kole's up... and.... the only word I can think of to describe what happened is "lazy."

And then I think "pregnancy" and give myself a break.

Monday, December 5, 2011

The Tree Is Up.

We bought ourselves a real Christmas tree this year.
The house smells phenomenal.  So rich and wintry.
We strung lights, hung ornaments, and finished with Feliz Navidad Tamales. 
(I was craving Mexican... but still wanted it to fit the Christmas theme.)
When all was done, we turned the lights off, snuggled under a blanket, and watched the tree.
Koley is this years biggest tree fan.  By far.