Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Well I Think It's Fun

I have this awesome habit.  I think it's really fun and Ken is gentleman-ly enough to play along with me.

Anytime we pass a housing subdivision and there is the big stone wall with the name on it...  i.e.  Shadow Park, The Cedars, Mountain View Manors, Mountain Brook.  I always ask Ken, "If you developed a subdivision what would you call it?"  And I ponder my own query.  I'd like to think I wouldn't name it something as gay as the ones I see around here.  I can never think of one.  And I give it a lot of serious thought.  (Because I am just this close to buying several thousand acres of real estate and developing mansions on them... so the name has got to come quick.) Ken just gives silly answers that I know he wouldn't REALLY use.  Like Badger Rendezvous and Grand Teton Homes of the Tetons of Eastern Idaho.  I used to make fun of Eastern Idaho because everything and every shop had either Teton or Eastern Idaho or both in the name.  Not very creative.

My obsessive little habit doesn't end there.  I catch myself doing it with everything!

If you owned an apartment complex what would you name it?
It you were a radio DJ what would your on air name be?
If you started your own Garden Nursery what would it be called?
If you invented and designed your own car what would you call it?
If you were a rapper what would people call you?

I think it's important to take these things and ponder them in our hearts.
Wait for that revelation.
And if you can't think of anything....  if you have a stupor of thought.... call Ken-Bob. 
He's got an answer for everything.

Monday, March 26, 2012

The Man Has A Sense of Propriety

Propriety (n.) conformity to established standards of good or proper behavior or manners.

 (There, Andi.  now you don't have to look it up.)
Kole is all of 19 and a half months old and his sense of propriety astounds (and annoys) me.  Although technically a toddler, I still call him a baby.  But, lately, he's been acting less and less like a baby and more and more like Mr. Manners.  That sounds really too nice.  More and more like Mr.  Everything-Has-To-Be-Just-So. 
For example.  Yesterday, we got back from Idaho Falls and played at the playground until dinner time.  All is usual.  Ken took Koley upstairs to change his diaper while I whipped up some noodles and sauce for the tyke.  Ken, in his fatherly wisdom, didn't put pants back on Kole.  Figuring bath and bed immediately follow dinner and why go through the hassle.  Let the kid run in his diaper for a bit.  Ken carries Kole downstairs in a diaper and a T-shirt.  As soon as Kole's toes hit the floor he starts crying.  Since he's our only child (and relatively spoiled) we both rush over to him.  "What's wrong?  What is it?  What do you need?"  Sobbing, Kole points to his legs and says, "Pants."  Really?  Yup.  He wanted to have his pants on.  He didn't want his chubby squeezable legs exposed.  Especially at the dinner table I presume.  One can't dine without pants.
Another.  Anytime I get Kole ready to go outside he starts chanting, "Coat.  Coat.  Coat."  Even when I tell him it's warm out and he doesn't need a coat. 
He responds, "Oww-side?" 
"Yes.  We're going outside." 
With raised arms and eyebrows he says, "Coat." 
So I grab a light jacket and help him put his arms through.  Figuring that's more than enough warmth for 70 degree weather.  I head for the door only to turn around to find Kole has not moved. 
"Come on, Koley!" 
 He stares at me for a few seconds (to be sure he has my attention) and then says, "Zip."
Let's continue.  Kole, like all babies, has a highchair.  It would be oh so oh so easy to put a handful of cereal or GoldFish on there with a sippy cup of milk and let him have a snack.  But not with Kole.  I set him in his chair and he chimes, "Snack?"  "Yup!  I'm getting you a snack."  And I reach for some crackers.  As I am pulling them out of the box and getting ready to place them on his highchair tray he starts crying, "No! No! No! No!" 
"What?  You don't want crackers?" 
"You don't need a bowl to eat crackers."
"Pate."  (plate.)
"You don't need a plate to eat crackers."
I try to conceal my eyes rolling and get him a bowl.
Why does he need a bowl to eat crackers?  I thought regular babies just eat stuff off the floor but not my son.  He wants to be in his chair with a bib on and his crackers served in a bowl.  I was lucky he didn't ask for a spoon or a proper table setting. 
He likes things "just so."  And he likes them done the right way.  He won't go outside in bare feet.  He likes his hair parted on the left side.  He doesn't like it if his clothes don't match (he just keeps staring at himself... like he knows something is off.)  He insists on being covered in a blanket if there is even a small chance he'll fall asleep.  Koley asked for rice, Ken made Quinoa, thinking Kole wouldn't know the difference.... time elapsed... Ken made rice.   Kole wants to wear a hat if it's sunny to keep the light out of his eyes.  He prefers his hands to be washed half way through his meal (as well as at the end) if he gets too dirty.  I'm expecting he's going to want fancy umbrellas coming out of his sippy before long.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Tax Evasion

I hate it when people cause problems JUST to cause problems.
JUSTBECAUSE they think they are older so therefore smarter than me.
JUSTBECAUSE it's easier to not do the right thing.

Yeah no kidding.  Doing the right thing normally takes longer.  Sometimes you have to back track and fix your own stupid mistakes.  But it's the right thing to do. 

And doing the wrong thing- has consequences.  Like IRS penalties!  And jail time! 

Are you reading this "Mr. I'm not reporting that income so I don't need a 1099"?

Oh really?  Is that how it works?  You can just pick and choose how much money you want to claim?

You've poked the bear.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Riot on the Road Trip

I stressed and stressed and stressed about driving to Boise.  With Koley.  5 hours. 
I don't know why I was stressed- I mean what happened was going to happen.  But I have zero control over my stress levels.  (Or my junk food consumption.  If it's there I will eat it.)

Friday we were leaving and I only let him sleep for an hour at nap time.  Figuring he'll be super tired when we took off.  And, I was so so right.  He was super tired.  So tired that he couldn't/wouldn't sleep.  Don't you love that?  So you just have a cranky wanky kidmo.  Ugh.  Luckily I loaded up on the snacks.  I know when I am grumpy and off kilter I like to eat!  Figuring the same would go for my offspring-I planned ahead and it worked for about 2.5 hours.  Then I had to break out the books, and crawl into the back seat. (Recipe for carsickness) I read a bunch of books to him and he hated every one.  Threw them on the floor.  Told me, "No!  No!  No!  No!"  over and over and overandoverandover.  I started to get a little offended because I was trying to be nice.  Offering all kinds of fun toys and yummy snacks and getting them all thrown (literally) in my face.  I've got a bruise on my right temple to prove it.  We stopped at a Wendy's and Kole was happy to be out of the car, eating chicken nuggets, and doing some people watching.  He was not happy to be put back in the car all of 25 minutes later.  I put in a DVD.  We've always had the player in our car and never used it.  Although I always bring it up as an idea for date night.  "Let's go watch a movie in the car!"  Yeah- somehow Ken feels it's more comfortable in the living room.
The DVD only puts sound through the headphones, which we didn't know, and they didn't have any batteries in them.  So Toy Story 3 turned out to be "Not a Talkie" as Ken put it.  Kole didn't mind.  He was hypnotized. 
We made it there- in one straggly, worn out, ratty old peice.  And were all happy to go to bed.

We only stayed until Sunday.  Kole decided to pull an all-nighter Saturday night.  Lovely.  Which meant I did too.  Ken took the shift from 5:30am-7:30 am so I could get in 2 hours.  I don't know what gets into that Koley-Critter!  Again, I thought, he didn't sleep last night he will definitely sleep the WHOLE WAY HOME.  He slept the whole 5 hours. Minus 4 hours and 35 minutes.  (Let me help you on the mental math.) He slept for 25 minutes.  Yeah.  Ouch.  Then he whined the rest of the way home.  Well, alternated between whining, crying, screaming, hitting himself in the head, and moping silently.  It was a long.  LONG ride home.  At one point I decided we should all let it all out.  And me, Ken, and Kole all screamed and yelled everything that was bugging us.  "I hate it in here!"  "It's too hot!"  "It's starting to smell funny!"  "More treats!"  It lightened our spirits for a good 3 minutes.  During one of Kole's more major breakdowns I said, "You know, me and Dad are being really good here.  And that is how you should behave in the car.  It is difficult at times but you just make the best of it.  Can't you follow our example?"  To which Kole replied, "WAAAAAAAHH! grumblegrumblegrumble HEEEKSHHHPOOOO! WWWWAAAAAAAAAAHH!"  Which I think meant "Go to Hell."

We put Koley to bed at 6:15 last night.
He slept until 9:30 this morning.

*sigh* So nice.

We put ourselves to bed at 9:30 last night.
We slept until 8:00 this morning.

*sigh* So so nice.

Talking this morning over breakfast, Ken and I realized that with Daylight Savings... we really went to bed at 8:30 last night.  I think the last time I did that I was in 3rd grade.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Bird Boy

I think I'm turning Kole into a bird.

I put forth an effort to talk to him in a normal voice.  Not "baby talk."  No goo-goos and cutsie stuff here.  That crap makes me cringe.  I am, however, animated in my communications with him.  More so than I am, let's say with Ken or another adult or society in general.
With Kole I speak with excitement. 
Even if we are looking at rocks.

"Oh!  WOW!  Check out that rock!  It's a BIG one!"
And I'm smiling and my eyebrows are way up and I'm emphasizing all the right words while I point to a rock.  I think it has played a part in him doing so well learning to talk.

I was so proud of myself as I searched online for a #1 MOM trophy to order myself.

Then yesterday...
I realized Kole talks like a bird.  Everything he says is high pitched and sing-songy.  He'll smile so big when he is talking you can tell his little cheekers are sore (and it's a little forced.)  And boy he can get those eyebrows up.

I listened to him jabber for awhile.

"Oooooo! A chtruck!  A SEEEEE!!  OooooOOOOoooo!  WOOOOOOOW!"

Lots of roller coaster up and downs.  Hitting all the pitches.  An airy "wow" at the end. Trying to get me excited about a truck.
He sounded like a baby bird.

And I realized that makes me the mama bird that taught him to warble.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Yo Quiero.

Had my baby check up today.
Put on ten pounds last month.
The doctor told me to try to gain that much again this month.

Bring on the Chalupas!
I love being pregnant almost as much as I love Taco Bell.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I'm Just A Girl Who Can't Say No.

You know what's been killing me lately?

I can't say no.

Will you watch my kids?  They are bad and hit a lot and yell constantly and are really sticky and gross and will probably have friends over and I won't pay you and won't be home even close to the vicinity of when I say I will.  Will you watch them?

Sure!  I'd love pre-mature juvenile delinquents!

Will you play the piano for us at church?  I know there are oodles of more qualified pianists and you don't really have the time to learn, practice, and perform this song you've never heard of by Sunday- since it is Thursday- but we think it'll help you feel welcome.  Will you play then?

Absolutely!  I love anxiety keeping me up at night!

Can I borrow some chicken breasts?  It does sound like a weird thing to borrow- I just really want to grill some BBQ chicken and we're all out.  And you know how hard it is to get to the store with little ones.  Your freezer and fridge are so well-stocked. Why should I bother shopping at all?  I'd owe you one.

Hey, why not?  I don't mind grocery shopping for my family AND yours!  I have a whole magic tree full of money anyway.  Do you need BBQ sauce too?


On an unrelated "P.S"  I joined the A to Z Blogging Challenge.  I am dreadfully excited for April.

Monday, March 5, 2012


Every year I take it upon myself to award my fellow bloggers.  I'm normally really super ultra great about it and do it in January... after warning you in December that they are coming and giving you plenty of time to suck up to me.  Or send gifts and other forms of bribery.
This year, the gash dern producers went on strike- so we're a little behind. 

I welcome you all to the Kodak Theater.  And I hope none of you turn up on the Worst-Dressed List... but undoubtedly one of you will.  Critics are harsh.  And skinny eyebrows are totally out.  (Which, as a sidenote, is why I am trying to grow my eyebrows out....and they look--- spooky.)

This years categories are:

Best Commenter.  A repeat from years gone by.  But we all love comments.  They make us feel cool and important.  And no one recognizes the commenter.  So, raise your pickets, Commentors!  Stand!  Be recognized!

Never Negative.    I fully believe in writing whatever you want.  If your pissed off about something you should be able to say it on your blog without a bunch of SAHMs (stay-at-home-moms) getting on your back about it.  Sometimes it feels good not only to write about crap-filled days but it's refreshing to read about them too.  (Try using refreshing and crap in a sentence.  Difficult.)  And on the other hand there a days when I don't want to hear about other people's problems.  Days when I have no sympathy left in my heart... and there's always a blog to go to that's Never Negative.

Should Have Invented Pintrest.  I don't have a Pintrest account.  I have to call one of my sisters when I want to try to find something on there.  But it's apparently a life-changer.  And this award goes to the blogger who must have inspired the Pintrest owners to start.

That's What I Was Going To Say.  Do you ever read a post and want to say something but it's just _________?  So right-on. They said it all.  And not only was everything said, it was said with a sense of humor, in "your voice,"  without you even knowing you wanted to say it.  Am I getting too transcendent? 

Biggest Up and Coming I'm giving this award to the blog that I am putting all my bets on.  They are going to sky-rocket.  And I want to be the first one to say, "I told you so."

Explosion Fest 2011  Will be awarded to the blog the went from zilch to ZAM! *snaps* like that.  And there doesn't seem to be a rear view mirror attached.  Watchout.

Wish I Could Be That Blogger  Pretty self-explanatory there.


Let's begin.

Best Commenter:
(Runner-Up: SkippyMom at I Make Soap)

Opens envelope.  Well!  No surprise, here!  For the 3rd year running the Best Commenter Award goes to Kar's Kith and Kin!
(Wild Applause)
Kar comments on every post.  No matter what.  She has something to say about it.  And it is funny and endearing.  There was a little gap when she was in China and the Internet was illegal or something... but every blogger hopes for a commenter like Kar.  (And she gives killer speeches at the Bloggie Awards.)

Never Negative:
(Runner-Up:  Tiffany)

Audience awaits with baited breath as I open envelopeCOURTNEY!  Come on down!
(Camera scans losers faces... none too happy.)
Courtney gets her ups and downs.  Things don't always go well for her.  She has bad days and admits she doesn't live in Pleasantville.  Though she could've fooled me.  But even after a ranting post when you think she's defeated... she'll leave you smiling- with some upbeat quote.  Or a smiley face.  Or her own sentiment about life being a roller coaster and she's in the front seat.  She's just plain satisfied with her life.  She is literally Never Negative.  It's... something to reach for.  For sure.

Should Have Invented Pintrest.

Without even a runner-up- this award goes to Melissa.  Wow.  Have you stalked her blog.  She's who gives Martha Stewart her inspiration.  Her ideas, creativity, and skill set are out-of-this-blogosphere.  I mean, this girl has a vision in her head and MAKES IT!  From scratch!  Whether it's a new twist on an old dinner, baby bibs/clothes/accessories/toys, tree skirts, hairbands, bracelets, calendars, fitness routines.  I mean- she made her own SKINNY JEANS for crying out loud!  And, I don't need to mention (but I will) she's the picture of fashion, class, and beauty.  If I had a Pintrest account... it would just have "Melissa."  That's my end all and be all.

That's What I Was Going To Say.

Julianna.  Every time she posts (which is getting closer to everyday... way to go!) I say to myself (though out loud) "I was going to blog about that."  My post would never have been as good or witty or well-put... or obviously as original.  But- I admire her writing style.  It's clean and honest.  Julianna is funny and makes you feel like you're sitting there drinking Cokes with her... since you grew up together and know absolutely all there is to know about one another.  She's a strangerfriend.  And she's always taking the words out of my mouth.

Biggest Up and Coming

Andrea at DoublClik has got.  It.  Going.  On.  An amazing photographer, a PhotoShop whiz, one of my personal fashion icons, and not too shabby on her "Editor's Notes."  Which is how she ends each post.  The girl is solid gold.  You will find her talented, uninhibited, and your new "must-stop" every time she posts.

Explosion Fest 2011

I'm giving this one to Julie at Chris Loves Julia.  And, yeah, she's my sister- and boo hoo go cry about it.  I can give my Bloggies to whomever or whoever or whomever I please.  Even if she wasn't my sister- she'd have gotten it.
Her blog has flown off the charts.  She's gained a ton of followers!  Like a hundred times as many as I have.  (not literally... but close.) She's been recognized on other blogs, DIY sites, and has done some amazing things with her home and her blog.  Her style is completely her own.  Though, many seem to be copying it.  The girl is an artiste.  And her blog is her palette.  Well- sorta.  That sounded good... but I think her house is her palette.  And she really is an artist, so she has real palettes for palettes.  And she also does these chalkboard drawings... so a chalkboard is her palette too.
Congratulations Julie!

Wish I Could Be That Blogger

Winner? Ru.  Hilarious.  Writes true things in a funny way and makes you like her more.  She doesn't delve into her personal life- which is a welcome reprieve.  It's flat out her opinions in the funniest form imaginable.  Add her to your daily scan.  You won't regret it.

Well!  That wraps up another year!  I'm glad you all came.  If you could just fold your chairs up and put them against the wall that'd be great.  And don't forget to grab a cup of punch and some of that good mint and nut mix I made for refreshments.

And I apologize for not having any cool buttons for you to display on your blogs.  I don't have a Mac.  And I'm not really great at making edgy buttons and awards.  So just carry this honor in your heart whydon'tcha.