Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009 Blog Awards

I go onto these blogs and they get these "awards." Who dished out these "awards?" Why aren't they reading my blog? My blog is award worthy. Most def.

So, I've taken it upon myself to dish out some Awards. As 2009 comes to an end it seems the most appropriate time. Plus, it will give everyone something to strive for in 2010. Yes, this will be an annual event. Maybe next year we'll dress up and have fancy drinks.

The 4 awards are:

Yeah, I made these up. But c'mon. You people deserve something.

Let's commence.


This year's Best Commenter Award goes to.......: Karlenn Smith

Seriously people, have you read this girls comments? They are thought out. They are full sentences with correct capitalization, punctuation, and grammar. PLUS, in all of three to four sentences she can comment, uplift, and share a personal insight from her own life! It's amazing.

The Positively Optimistic Blog Award goes to........ : Brett and Tiffany

This gal is always on the go. Running her kids to all kinds of cool events, making crafts, putting on plays... it's a whirlwind of excitement. And I have never in the 16 months I've been blogging heard her say one negative thing. I admire that. My blogs are normally complaints. It's what I feel like writing. But I love going on to Tiffany's blog and getting a little pick me up. It's like a vacation. A blog vacation. A blog-cation.

Best Photos, hands down, goes to..... : Megan Blethen

Megan is a photographer by nature. Her eye is impeccable. She can capture life's tiniest and most meaningful moments. The photos on her blog are gorgeous. Everything and everyone looks so soft and fresh. I love going on there and just browsing through old posts to see all the different pictures. She is very talented.

And finally, the award for The Most Intriguing Blog goes to... : Julia Marcum

Julie blogs every once in a while. She's not an every day post-er. She doesn't blog about what her and the hubs had for dinner. She doesn't update us on every week of her pregnancy. She doesn't fill us in on date nights. But let me tell you, when she blogs- it is solid gold. I never know what it is going to be about but it. is. GOOD! They are thought out and really beautifully written. She writes in a simple and witty style. She jokes about herself and shares childhood memories. It's a real treat to go on and read it. I'd ask her to post more- but I think that would take away some of the specialness.

We'd like to thank all the winners and their supporters for coming out tonight. It was truly a night to remember. Feel free to post an acceptance speech.

And for those of you going home empty handed... 2010 is a new year.
Don't hang your head too low.

Monday, December 21, 2009

My First Born

Rusty will once and forever be the first born unto Ken and Patty.

I'm a real stickler on discipline and not spoiling kids. I abhor it. I find undisciplined children completely intolerable. I also have come to the conclusion that undisciplined children are always spoiled. Yes, I used the infinite term "always." Now, you know I have no children of my own- so you might think I'm just rude. You may think I don't know what I am talking about. I don't know how hard it is. Maybe so. Maybe not. I still think kids have it too easy these days and their parents make it that way.

With a little turkey on the way, Ken and I have been talking a lot about how we want to raise our children. This is a big topic to cover. We have some really different views. But one thing we agree on:

Don't raise them how we raised Rusty.

Rusty has a set of rules. I've taped these rules to the fridge. Rusty can't read or speak English but when he's bad I march him right over to the rules and read them out loud to him. He doesn't care. He's only got one (relatively short) life to live and by georgey he's going to live it the way he wants. Rules be damned! Parents be damned!
Exhibits A-D:
Rule #1: No sleeping on the furniture.
Rule #5: Stay off the windowsills.
Rule #11: Don't talk back to your mother.
(Notice how Ken is doing such a great job of parenting there in the background.)
Rule #5: No people food.
Perhaps I am destined to be a horrible, sloppy-ruled mom after all.

Monday, December 7, 2009

What You All Knew

So, I'm pregnant, right? I've read What to Expect When You're Expecting (50+ times). I've searched, downloaded, and read every article on WebMD about pregnancy, I've thumbed through magazines, I've done my research. Thoroughly. And the conclusion my research has lead me to is, nothing tells you what really happens. And no ONE tells you! Sure when you are expressing your un-ending agony I get the nods. The "Oh, I know"s. But why? Why didn't any of you tell me what was going to happen to me? Why?

Sure, What To Expect said that my chest would most likely increase in size over the first few months and I may experience some tenderness.
You could have told me that my boobies would grow out of the D-cup they were already occupying in a space of 2 weeks and get really, really heavy. I'm talking they feel like they are 50 pounds. A piece! And that I would be nipping out all the time! Ouch! You could have told me. You knew!

I read that morning sickness could come at any time during the day. And last for several hours.
You could have told me that it goes beyond those limitations. It comes. It sets up camp. It refuses to leave. No amount of ginger tea, peppermint, or Saltines can take it away. And it's more than feeling sick. You knew this! You knew that it would encompass and in most ways end my entire life. No more food, sleep, or comfort. Just a constant, nagging, horrible feeling. And nothing on my neck. What the heck is that about? That wasn't in any book. It should read: Be warned that any time there is any article placed on or near your clavicle you will feel a strong desire to vomit. Did you know this would happen? Why didn't you tell me?

I read that I would begin to feel a swelling in my stomach though I won't show for another month or so.
Um... I can't button my pants. I'm 8 weeks and I can't button my pants. Could have used a heads up on that one. It feels like I ate my way through Chuck-a-Rama. That's how full my stomach feels. Even though, I know it's nearly completely empty. I haven't eaten a meal in weeks. You knew that I wouldn't be able to fit into my clothes this early and decided to wait to say something until I brought it up. How could you?

I read that sleeping will eventually become uncomfortable and it will become best to lay on your left side.
By eventually did they mean after 60 days? Because when I lay on my right side... I pass gas... all night. It's uncomfortable and it hurts. It hurts like someone is pinching me on my belly. When I lay on my back, I wake up all crampy. When I lay on my left I am face to face with Ken's stinky breath (you couldn't have predicted that, I know.) But, seriously, you knew. And you remained silent.

Now. I am hoping that as you are reading this you are thinking "She has no idea what she is in for." Because, guess what!? I don't. This is baby number one for me. It's all new, freaky, and scary. But, guess what else? You do know. You know exactly what I am in for. Because you HAVE done this before. And so far you have been pretty tight-lipped about what happens. Time to open the flood gates, ladies. Let it all out.
Then, I won't feel like such a crying whanny when I complain about what's happening to me and you give me a reassuring pat on the back and tell me it happened to you too.

Would be nice to know ahead of time.
Just saying.


When I was in school I was in the Gifted program. You know, where all the super super smart kids go. That was me. I would go to my Gifted classes and do harder work than what I had to do in my regular classes. I hated it. Why would someone want to leave an easy class for a hard one? My Gifted teacher Mrs. McCullen told me that I needed to stimulate my mind. I was in this class with seriously the super super smart kids and they would be loving these worksheets and calculations and I would be like... "How do you do this?"

I told my mom I wanted to quit Gifted because I wasn't smart. Ma mere told me that sometimes people are in Gifted because they think and see things differently than other people. So, if I didn't feel as smart as the other kids in there I must be one of the ones that think differently.

Today I want to share proof that I never should have been in the Gifted program.

I learned 2 things recently:

1. The phrase is "Nip it in the bud."
Not, as I have been proclaiming for 25 years, "Nip it in the butt." I thought "nip it in the butt" spank it in it's little butt so it stops doing that. Makes sense. Or made sense until I got into an argument with Ken over what the real phrase is. Apparently, you should nip it in the bud. Before it blooms into a flower (or a real problem.)

2. Skunks are nocturnal.
This may not seem huge. But I was honestly thinking about how I have seen a good share of animals in my life time. All the regular ones at least. And I thought, I've never seen a skunk. I know that they live in Idaho. I see their sad rotting carcasses on the highway on my way to work. I've thought, How are there these dead skunks, at least once a week, and I never see a single one? Yeah. They are nocturnal. As in only come out at night. Like gerbils, owls, and raccoons. How did I miss that? Too busy thinking differently I suppose.

If that's not proof enough for you, know that it was proof enough for me.

I hereby, remove myself from the Gifted Program.

That feels better. A huge load off my shoulders.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Day Graham Crackers Saved My Life

I have been feeling so stinking sick I can hardly walk… let alone work, sleep, or function as a human being. I’ve been going through Saltines like crap through a goose and was even starting to struggle with them. 3 whole boxes is overkill, probably. But I had no idea how else to appease this monster. It is constantly in my throat. Threatening to throw up on a client, on the person next to me at church, on Ken, on Rusty, on the mailman. Who ever is the closest would get it. And get it bad. I can have nothing on my neck. No necklaces, high-button shirts, turtlenecks, even something brazing my neck (like a collar)… egck. I just claw at it constantly. CONSTANTLY! I wake up in the middle of the night (miserable) and I am clawing at my neck. My moms keep telling me to eat. Nothing will make it go away except eating. As long as I am stuffing my face around the clock then the monster sleeps. But if I miss a 15 minute interval… up and roaring and I am feeling like Pukey McSpukey.

So, Ja-wools and I are chitty chatting and she says, “Graham Crackers.” I immediately gagged on the inside but said “Oh, really?” on the outside. Jules should take no offense in this. I gag internally at any mention of food. Even water sometimes. She said they were the perfect snack.
So this morning, on my way into work I stop at the over-priced, holier-than-thou Broulim’s here in Rigby. (I really hate Broulim’s…. stemming from the fact that I really hate the owner of Broulim’s. Another post. Another day.) I go to the cookie cracker row. And get HoneyMaid Graham Cracker Bees. They are mini graham crackers shaped like bees. The detail in the bee is incredible, by the way.

I had already reached the point this morning of going too long without eating. So the monster was monstering and I was miserable and every smell was repulsive and I was achy and scratching my neck.

I get into my office. Sit down. Open the box.

The smell was medicinal. I smiled. I put one of those little graham cracker honey bees in my mouth and have been smiling ever since. It’s the magic drug. The monster is beyond silenced. The monster is appeased, happy, most likely sleeping with content.

Today Graham Crackers Saved My Life.

Last night after spending 2 and a half hours at the doctors office, I was relieved to know that the monster will most likely be permanently silenced by the end of next month (maybe sooner with a little help from Zofran) and from that monster... a little cuddle-baby of my own will grow and on July 17, 2010 make it's grand debut.