Wednesday, April 11, 2012

"J" is for Justified

Being 27 weeks pregnant (that's nearly7 months... which is just under 200 days... which is 54.7% of a year) I feel completely justified in the following:

1.  No longer finding it amusing when someone says "You're not really even showing."
Really?!  You don't think so?!  You think I always look like I stuffed a beach ball under my shirt?  How thoughtful of you!  And I suppose the accompanying back pain is from all the pianos I move.

2.  Laying off the fruits, veggies, yogurt, kale, hummus, spinach, and all other mildly average healthy food Ken insists on feeding me and pigging out on whatever I want. 
The only thing I want to eat every day is Tampico Stuffed Chicken from Garcia's.  I've even started dreaming about it.  There is simply no substitute.  Though, I'll take pizza for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dinner number 2.

3.  Wearing scrubs.
This morning I put on a pair of scrubs.  They are big and flowy and cover my massive ass-ive.  We have a little Tot Lot at our apartment complex and a mom there asked if I was a nurse.  "No."  She then ran down the list of other people who wear scrubs; a medical assistant, a dental hygienist, an actual dentist.  When I told her I was a retired accountant that was pregnant she was shocked.  So shocked she couldn't think of anything to say.  Nice recovery lady.  Word to the wise:  Next time you see someone in scrubs just say "Good Morning."  When I see someone out in public wearing sweats- I don't ask if they are a bum.

4.  Having a Mom Butt.
Yeah.  It's the ugliest thing in the world when a butt sags to the back of one's knees.  Reminding me of some kind of old worn out horse.  But- last night... I saw that my once perky peach-shaped tushie... looked like saggy old grocery bags.  In my defense, maternity pants place pockets on the weirdest angles.  But, even without that excuse, it's demoralizing.

Not my actual hiney.
5.  Wearing the same 4 outfits in a cycle.
Just get used them everyone.  They are what I feel the best in.  And in case you didn't know one maternity shirt cost $35.  And that is steep.

6.  Not counting the weeks anymore.
I wrote them on my calendar so i didn't have to retain that information (and so I had something to put on my calendar).  Plus, unless one has had a baby, the whole weeks system is pretty pointless.  Same with when someone asks how old Kole is.  I always round and say a year and a half.  Not 21 months.  The math is too hard for some people.  ("21 months.  Okay 21 minus 12 is... .... well 21 minus 10 is 11... but... what does that mean... I'll have to subtract one more.... So that would give.... 11 minus 1... 10.  10 what?    There's 12 months in a year.  Why am I dealing with 10s and 11s?  Okay 21 minus 12 for one year is... ... ...it's hard to carry in your head.")

7.  Wanting to buy new stuff for the baby.
Kole has so many clothes left over to pass along to Cub #2.  They are in good condition and perfectly wearable.  But I just love going over to the baby section and looking at cute new outfits.  And, I mean, will he have the same taste as Kole?  Will his preferences lead more towards punk rocker or more towards preppy?  Will he want to wear the All-American boy themed wardrobe Koley had?  Don't know.  Don't know.  I'd hate to start off on the wrong foot with him.

8.  Taking a nap.  Every day.
I can.  I do.  I don't feel guilty.  At.  All.

9.  Not telling the name.
It's the one we picked.  And some people like it and some people just say they like it.  But it's what he will be called.  Nothing you say, nor any look you give will change my mind.  But a shifty look or an extra long pause between blinks on your part might turn me into a crying hormonal mess.  Because I'm pregnant.  And need all kinds of acceptance I don't normally need.  So, please.  Just believe the lie when I say, "We haven't picked a name yet."  And do yourself one further.  Don't give any suggestions.  He's my baby. 

16 comments:

Joshua said...

First, congrats on Cub #2. I'm jealous of your naps.

Chris Loves Julia said...

Well don't I feel like an idiot for saying you barely look pregnant on Monday. You would think any pregnant girl would WANT to hear that.

Patty said...

Jules, You said it as a compliment... I took it to mean I wasn't too swollen in the face or behind.
I think it's in HOW one says it.

Natalie said...

AMEN SISTA!!!!! About the name thing, do people really think it's appropriate to give you a funny look when you tell them the name of your baby? Like, when they introduce themselves to you, and tell you their name, you give them a look like they just passed gas, no that would be rude so other people need to have the same respect. I'll get off my soap box now@!!!

Sylvia Ney said...

Love this! I remember those days. Emotions all overthe place. Give yourself permission to feel them - there's nothing wrong with ANY emotion or reaction you have. Best of luck with everything.

New follower here. I’m enjoying reading my fellow “A to Z”ers. I look forward to visiting again.

Sylvia
http://www.writinginwonderland.blogspot.com/

Joanne said...

Yes yes and yes. People would actually get mad at me for not wanting to know the sex of the baby. they said it made it inconvienient for THEM...UGH!!!
Great post!
Blessings, Joanne

SkippyMom said...

Okay. It's official. I am [insert expletive here] OLD. What in the heck are maternity pants WITH pockets? This is a beast of which I have no acquaintance. Bad idea designers [who I am sure have never been pregnant or are fabulous gay men, who again, have never been pregnant] BAD idea. heehee

I sure the name you picked out is just as awesome as Kole. The only person that ever poo-poo'd our name picks was my mother but that was because I refused to name any of my kids after her. Besides she already had two granddaughters named for her, I was not copying my sister. The funny thing was we had the perfect name picked out for Wallene, but the minute she was born we both looked at eachother and my husband said what I was thinking "She doesn't look like Audrey Grace....." and I agreed. We came up with another name that fits her perfectly now. Pre naming the first four kids worked great, but Wallene? Not so much. So I whole hardily agree - your baby, your name. I can't wait to hear what it is. :)

Remember I blogged about shopping yesterday? What I neglected to say in that was we spent more time in the baby section of Kohl's looking at infant/toddler clothing than we did shopping for me or him. We looked like a couple of idiots oohing and ahhing over just how CUTE everything was and lamenting we had no one to buy any of it for as grandkids are pretty far off. Sigh. So, I completely GET wanting to buy new clothes for the next lil' guy, and I don't think for one second what you dress him in is going to influence his tastes later in life [be it Kole's or something else.] As my Dad used to say "They're basically potatoes for the first few months anyway." [He meant it in a loving way. :)]

I think you are doing just spectacular - and your sense of humor really shines. Which is honestly the best "medicine".

Take care my friend - big hugs!

DoublClik said...

Hhahah I want to see what your search result looked like when you googled "Mom Butt" for an image!

Beth Willmore said...

Oh man you make me laugh! Especially about the "massive ass-ive". 3 kids later I've totally got that going on and I'm NOT pregnant now. d.e.p.r.e.s.s.i.n.g! Thanks for talking about stuff that we're all thinking!

ejwforeman said...

You're absolutely justified in ALL of those things! Very funny, witty post. :)

Tamara Narayan said...

I wanted to burn my maternity clothes after I gave birth. Then I realized they were the only thing in the closet that would fit for the next several months.

Great post.

Dawn said...

You go girl!! Pregnancy is the best & the worst all wrapped into one. I think everyone who reads this & has been pregnant agrees with everything you wrote!! I know I did. Ahhh...the joys of pregnancy! Only 13 more weeks... :)

Kar said...

I've got that saggy hiney. For sure. My sis calls it a "back with a crack." :)

Michelle said...

When I was 6 months pregnant with my second baby, my former sister in law told me I looked great, no one would think I was pregnant. Really? I'm wearing this big shirt and elastic waistband pants and you don't think this bulging tummy is from pregnancy? Awesome sauce!

Cinderella, the A-Train and Our Little Caboose said...

Ahhh, I really don't like being pregnant! Its worth it, of course, but it really isn't fun. I also hated buying maternity clothes...I mean I wanted cute clothes but they were so expensive! Seriously, twice as much as a normal outfit. Irritating.

Lastly, I still Nap. Not every day, but I have purposely put my kids on a schedule so their afternoon naps are at the same time. It is heaven, and I will frequently lay my little head down on the couch for a cat nap. I am not ashamed in the least. Embrace it!

Lisa Evans said...

Cute, love this post. I can definitely relate...3 kids later and by butt is thankfully still good but my boobs are down to my waist...by age 40 I have promised myself a boob job to compensate LOL! New follower, check my blog out too!