Monday, December 7, 2009

What You All Knew


So, I'm pregnant, right? I've read What to Expect When You're Expecting (50+ times). I've searched, downloaded, and read every article on WebMD about pregnancy, I've thumbed through magazines, I've done my research. Thoroughly. And the conclusion my research has lead me to is, nothing tells you what really happens. And no ONE tells you! Sure when you are expressing your un-ending agony I get the nods. The "Oh, I know"s. But why? Why didn't any of you tell me what was going to happen to me? Why?

Sure, What To Expect said that my chest would most likely increase in size over the first few months and I may experience some tenderness.
You could have told me that my boobies would grow out of the D-cup they were already occupying in a space of 2 weeks and get really, really heavy. I'm talking they feel like they are 50 pounds. A piece! And that I would be nipping out all the time! Ouch! You could have told me. You knew!

I read that morning sickness could come at any time during the day. And last for several hours.
You could have told me that it goes beyond those limitations. It comes. It sets up camp. It refuses to leave. No amount of ginger tea, peppermint, or Saltines can take it away. And it's more than feeling sick. You knew this! You knew that it would encompass and in most ways end my entire life. No more food, sleep, or comfort. Just a constant, nagging, horrible feeling. And nothing on my neck. What the heck is that about? That wasn't in any book. It should read: Be warned that any time there is any article placed on or near your clavicle you will feel a strong desire to vomit. Did you know this would happen? Why didn't you tell me?

I read that I would begin to feel a swelling in my stomach though I won't show for another month or so.
Um... I can't button my pants. I'm 8 weeks and I can't button my pants. Could have used a heads up on that one. It feels like I ate my way through Chuck-a-Rama. That's how full my stomach feels. Even though, I know it's nearly completely empty. I haven't eaten a meal in weeks. You knew that I wouldn't be able to fit into my clothes this early and decided to wait to say something until I brought it up. How could you?

I read that sleeping will eventually become uncomfortable and it will become best to lay on your left side.
By eventually did they mean after 60 days? Because when I lay on my right side... I pass gas... all night. It's uncomfortable and it hurts. It hurts like someone is pinching me on my belly. When I lay on my back, I wake up all crampy. When I lay on my left I am face to face with Ken's stinky breath (you couldn't have predicted that, I know.) But, seriously, you knew. And you remained silent.

Now. I am hoping that as you are reading this you are thinking "She has no idea what she is in for." Because, guess what!? I don't. This is baby number one for me. It's all new, freaky, and scary. But, guess what else? You do know. You know exactly what I am in for. Because you HAVE done this before. And so far you have been pretty tight-lipped about what happens. Time to open the flood gates, ladies. Let it all out.
Then, I won't feel like such a crying whanny when I complain about what's happening to me and you give me a reassuring pat on the back and tell me it happened to you too.

Would be nice to know ahead of time.
Just saying.

11 comments:

Poulsen Family said...

I'm NOT the know it all here, quite literally the novice, but because I got a few weeks on ya I'll share what I have learned:
Booby issue- the only thing I can help you with there is Victoria Secret's semi- annual sale is in January. That's where I'll be hoping to find a few bras to get me by until I wear the lovely nursing bras.
Morning sickness- sorry it can last longer than the 1st trimester. I still find myself getting queasy, but haven't found myself over the toilet since week 18. Things that have helped me: a good walk (now that it's cold it happens on the treadmill). The hubs making dinner- easier to eat food that you don't prepare. Getting enough rest, but not oversleeping. To be honest, the morning sickness makes me think twice about having another baby after this.
Swelling Stomach- I use a rubber band to keep my pants up, along with a bella band; those things are AWESOME! You can find them at Target. Totally helps with the expanding stomach, while allowing you to wear your pants comfortably. No need for maternity pants!
Sleeping Position- I talked to my doctor about this; he said the whole laying on your left side, and I quote him, "is crap". He told me to lay whatever way makes me most comfortable. Invest in a body pillow to place in between your legs if you like laying on your side.
Other tid bit advice- 1)drink A LOT of water; helps with sickness, stretch marks, and overall pregnancy 2)rub olive oil on your stomach, boobies, butt, thighs, etc where stretch marks could occur- several people have sworn by this 3)Old Navy has great maternity clothes. I have bought several tops from there. The downer is you have to order them online.
Sorry for the novel- hope this helps. Email me if you have more questions. Congrats again!

Karlenn said...

I told you everything, you silly!!! You saw me go through it with Micah. It ain't pretty. And I let you know about it. I was probably the biggest complainer out there!!! You saw my notes at the back of What to Expect!!! Many, many hard things. Um, I'll try to think more about all the junk you still have to go through. And forewarn you.

My first forewarning - you may pee your pants when you barf. I learned to always sit on the toilet when I go to barf. I had a barf bucket handy. It was special. Really looking forward to getting pregnant again...

johnandjana said...

I'm sorry I did not have morning sickness, but, heartburn from day 1. It just about killed me. My most horrible thing was labor. I experienced it anywhere from 10 to 36 hours of hard labor. I never had an epiderral and it was pure hell. But, once you hold that baby you forget all about it. It truly is worth it. Get a lot of fresh air, keep some hard tack candy by your bed and suck on it before you get up. Hopefully after the first trimester you will feel better. If you think your boobs are large now, wait until your milk comes in. Your baby will nurse on 1 side and be full and the other boob looks like a huge balloon and there's nothing you can do until they are hungry again. You roll over in the night and milk leaks everywhere. It is all great fun. But, remember all worth it. I guess I'm trying to be a bit positive, but it does get better. Good luck.

Karlenn said...

Oh, and I forgot to tell you - thanks for putting Happy Bunny at the top of your post. He's my favorite. I had a bunch of his posters hanging up in my classroom. They always made me feel better about dealing with my 8th graders. :)

Lyner said...

Hmm...i'm never having a baby! Good luck hun!

The Empey Fam! said...

oh Patty Patty!!!! Its rough! Here is a post when i was not too far along-= http://theempeys.blogspot.com/2008/01/pregnancy-complaints.html
I was sick the WHOLE entire time- and it would last all day!

I peed when i threw up- i would sit on the toilet with a bucket handy
(I have pooped as well!)

Stretch Marks is NORMAL- and they SUCK

Blood clots- UTI's GAlLORE!!!

in the middle of the 2nd tr- you wont sleep good! I was in a recliner my back killed so bad!

If you are going to nurse- It doesn't hurt to rub Lansinoh a couple months before the due date

I have more i am sure! Lets do lunch sometime i will tell you more! haha

Brett and Tiffany said...

Isn't being a woman GREAT!?! I could not quit laughing through your post...it is all true, but just think of it this way...all of the things we go through makes us tougher women! We can't survive as moms if we are wussy and weak! Our kids need tough moms that can handle hard things so our kids can be strong to make it in this world! You are one tough cookie and you will make it through! When it got hard for me or if I got nervous when I was pregnant I would tell myself, "I can do this...lots of ladies have done the same thing!" Try it...it makes you feel better! As far as peeing your pants...beware, it can happen when you cough or jump on the trampoline too! Plus think...soon you will be able to feel that little one moving and oh, how fun that is! Enjoy the experience! :)

Megann said...

Just you wait. 2 years from now you will forget all the crap you went through during your first pregnancy and YOU'LL WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY!!

Kara & Levi said...

Um Patty....I went through it but I seriously don't remember anything being THAT bad and I'm the biggest whanny ever! But I seriously I have blocked things out...its wierd. But the other thing is when I think of having another, I'M TERRIFIED, especially of birth. And I've been through it, that's what's wierd!!! My biggest most awful part was excruciating lower back pain pretty much from 2nd tri on. THAT THOROUGHLY SUCKED. Also delivery-being induced was the worst I think. I didn't have morning sickness though. I was nauseous for a day and then got over it. My boobs never grew until the night my milk came in after I had Marley. This to shall pass Patty! And you will soon, cause it will go so fast, holding that little Poulsen bean in your arms and won't be able to stop kissing it. I predict a boy!!! Any time you need a baby to cuddle and remember that it will all be worth it, let me know, Marley is the best!

Sean and Rachel Edwards said...

Remember when we went to the Thai House and all I could eat was white rice? I threw up about 5 times a day for the first 4-5 months, but after that it wasn't too bad. Yeah heartburn and learning to sleep on my side sucked too. I saw this book in Barnes and Noble called 'Being Pregnant Sucks!' also check out 'Belly Laughs.' They remind you that it's not weird to be feeling awful. I don't understand people who have perfect pregnancies. One word to make it all better - epidural (you thought I was going to say the baby huh?). The epidural was amazing! I highly recommend one! Why go through any more pain than you need to? Good luck! We are very happy for you and Ken!

Gramma n Grampa said...

All of this is so true, but look at it in the positive. Every new thing you experience is because you have a PRECIOUS LITTLE POULSEN growing. Some of it may not be pleasant but what a MIRACLE you have happening to you. This baby is so lucky to be coming to your home.
I can hardly wait till you really look PG! :)
I want to be the official baby holder!!!! Luv You Patty