Spanx Me!

I never should have posted about Ari. I've gotten all smiley and giggly every time I've logged on to update my blog. Zing goes the strings of my heart.

Today we are talking about Spanx. Have you heard of these miraculous pieces of underclothing? They were all over Big Idea with Donny Deutsche and in the Oprah magazine about 6 months ago. I never gave them a second thought. Until last night. Last night Ken and I went to the Mayor Scholarship Fund Benefit dinner. (Do we sound like big wigs or what?) I am so into see and be seen. No wait I am so into CNBC. I get those mixed up. So we were planning on going to this benefit dinner (which was spectacular and motivating and I am now on the board... more on that later homies.) And I didn't really know what to wear. Julie came to my office at 5 and was doing my hair and we were trying to mentally go through my limited wardrobe. It was a formal dress code but you weren't supposed to wear a formal. I also didn't want to wear a flowery church dress or a business suit or outfit. So that basically left me with nothing. So we were really wracking our brains. And bless Julie ten times over. She is such a saint. She'd come up with an idea stemming from my pencil skirt which was the one article we agreed would be right.
She'd say: You can wear that skirt, your shiny stilettos, and a soft ivory short sleeve turtle neck.
Me: I don't have an ivory short sleeve turtle neck.
Jules: Okay, what colors do you have?
Me: None. I don't have a short sleeve turtle neck.
Jules: Hmmm.... (crickets) .... I KNOW! You can wear a gray boat neck with one of my glitzy necklaces.
Me: I don't have any boat neck shirts.
Jules: Hmmmm..... No biggie. Let's think.

She must have come up with 25 different combos. None of which I had. So, the solution was made to wear the bridesmaid dresses I wore to her wedding. Which was a stellar STELLAR idea. It was dressier than a church dress. But didn't have all the sparkle and shimmer of a formal. Perfect. Perfect except for the fact that I wore a corset to the wedding. "Jules, where am I going to get a corset before I have to leave." "Oh, you don't need a corset just wear your Spanx." "My what?" "Spanx." "I don't have those. Where do I get those?" "CVS, Walgreens, anywhere like that." So, I took her advice and WOWZAS! These are incredible.
Spanx look like biker shorts. Super tight and start in between your knees and your buttocks. They go all the way up to the bosoms. I put them on and looked like I lost 10 pounds I am not kidding. They suck everything in. They add shape to may out of shape butt and make love handles, rolls, muffin tops, everything dis. a. ppear. Disappear! All for $6.98! And to add sugar to my sundae they are horrifically comfortable. I can't even tell I am wearing them. Okay here it comes. Nerd Alert. I am wearing them right now. I wore them to work today. I looked through my closet this morning and rejected four or five shirts because this shows this flaw and that emphasizes this... and then... I saw my Spanx. Laying on the floor from last night. My redemption. I put them on and now I can wear all those shirts I was getting ready to donate! Sa-WEET!
The only downside I can see in this discovery is it is really going to take some serious motivation to ever want to go to a gym again. And why do I need a gym when I've got these power-panties? Spanx for life.