Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I'm Melting! Melting! Oh What a World. What a world....

Started Friday night.
Joey went to bed at his normal time.  After Arsenio Hall was over.
An hour later he was up.  Wanting to watch infomercials.
We don't have cable... or an antenna... but
3 hours later he was still up.  And screaming.  Screaming himself into rigamortis.
I propped myself up with pillows on the couch so I wouldn't drop him when his cries became my lullabies and I would fall asleep.
Around 4 AM I noticed between his wicked cries there was coughing.
Once the rest of the world woke up I called the pediatricians office and in we went.
On a Saturday.
The doctor made me feel like an idiot.
It was the "on-call" doctor not our normal guy.
Some of her ringers:
"Don't you have other kids that have been sick before?"
"He hasn't even had these symptoms for 24 hours yet?"
"Apparently, you've never heard of the common cold."
I wanted to punch her in her big buck teeth.
I settled for Joey doing an explosive dookie on her exam table after she put a thermometer in his booty.
One point Team Poulsen.
The rest of Saturday was a daze.  A sleep deprived, snot infested daze.
I fell asleep at the bottom of the bed as I was changing Joey's diaper that night.
Sunday me and the baby skipped church.
Kole skipped his nap.
*Lightning Strikes.*
Never is there a good Koley after a nap is skipped.
All I heard was "No.  No.  No.  No.  No.  No.  No.  No.  No.  No.  No.  No."
In all different voices.  In every different pitch.  Occasionally with a toy thrown at me.  Always with tears.
I blamed it on the no nap.
Monday proved me wrong.
Kole took a nap and added smiles to all his "no's."
His aim was more accurate when he threw.  There was more force behind it.
At least he was smiling.
He tends to wait until I am nursing the baby to act out.
Like I've got a baby on me and he'll start jumping on the couch.  Or climbing on the piano.  Or hanging off the TV.
What can I do?
I'm basically stranded.
And he knows it.
Beyond that he seems to have found out that there is no consequence in this house for bad behavior.
Good behavior is well rewarded.
Bad Behavior... is....
... becoming more popular.
In a small attempt to feel in charge of something...
I did some rearranging in the house.
I wanted to do something to feel like the baby was taking over everything in the black lagoon.
So I moved the computer and desk down to the kitchen with the intention of moving the crib out of Kole's room and into my room.
I can get work done (you know Facebook, blog-gawk, read Post Secret) while Kole eats breakfast or lunch.
And the baby will be 15 feet away from me at night instead of 18 inches.
It ended horribly.
I only got as far as lugging all the computer wiry stuff down to the kitchen table.
I tried hooking it all up.
I couldn't get the Internet to work.
Neither could Ken.
We worked on it until 11.  Went through several customer service reps... who all told us to buy a new router.
Do they feel like failures when they can't solve a problem?
Or is that just me?
So after 2 trips to Walmart... we bought the stinking over-priced modem.
Ken bought some ice cream novelties on the last trip... because I had been sobbing for hours by this point.
Nothing seemed to be working.
Joey wasn't sleeping.
Kole wasn't listening to me.
I didn't feel like a good wife.
My grand DIY rearranging project was only half done.
The Internet went kaput-sy on me.
The good little girl from Kansas threw a bucket of water on me and I was certainly melting.
And then my mom called me. 

And I saw a rainbow.

I'm in control.
Joseph has started sleep training.  No more sleeping until noon and expecting me to just pick up after you. You little pip squeak.
Well, I'll still pick up after you because you're practically paralyzed at this age... but I'm serious about the no more sleeping until noon.
And Kole?
You've got rules now.
No more hitting the baby.  Even if you're just pretending.
No more jumping on the couch, piano, bed, or stairs.
No more sneaking into Joey's bouncy chair.  You're going to break it.
No more fighting the diaper changing.  When you stink, I will change you.
No more whining, crying over nothing, and no more throwing yourself on the floor.
You're gonna eat what the rest of us are eating for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  (The rest of us... being me.)
Your days of open menu have just ended.
I'm not a chef.
I'm not your best friend.
I'm not interested in your excuses.
I'm your mother.
If you break a rule, if you talk back, if you yell at me....
...No trucks.
I know.  Major pressure point.
You are not a grown up.  You're 2.
I'm the boss around here.

Good luck getting used to it little cubbies.
Just try and stay out of my way.  Just try!


Poulsen Family said...

Ah, this post makes me a little weary of adding a second child.

May the force be with you!
Sorry, for changing movies. Maybe changing character will give you some renewed strength :)

Angela said...

Patty, you make me laugh as I remember feeling the same things when Jarod was 2 and Justin was a brand new baby. The only upside was Jarod didn't speak a word so it was just the throwing and tantrums to deal with. However after he started speaking, which he didn't do until he could speak in full sentences then it was just like your house. Your mom is the best. She is a great example to me as are all of you girls. Keep up the mommy in charge you can do it.


Juli said...

I so know this... And I was doing it alone. I can't tell you how many times I rearranged furniture. How many times I clean the kitchen counters to regain some semblance of order. How many times I laid ion the floor in the living room after they went to bed so that I could NOT have any one laying/crawling/pulling at my hair.

So yeah. No worries, it will get different. Just hang in there... one. day. at. a. time.

Joanne said...

OH the memories!
Blessings, Joanne

Beth Willmore said...

You go mamma! Way to take charge! I tell my husband that it's a miracle that all 3 of my kids are alive at the end of each day so totally empathize with you! You're amazing and hang in there!

Kar said...

Good girl. Stick with the sleep training. You won't regret it. And yeah, when I had Sadie and was breastfeeding, Dylan would totally act out. Once, he sprayed a fire extinguisher in his mouth while I was breastfeeding. I had to put Sadie on the couch, which made her scream, call poison control, put my barfing son in a different room so I could hear the lady on the line tell me what to do...good times. Good times.

SkippyMom said...

The one thing I found to be true is that when you give birth you magically grow an extra set of invisible arms. I nursed the kids when the other ones were toddlers and I mastered the art of walking, holding the nursing baby and stalking an errant brother or sister that was trying [my patience] to get my attention. I could never had nursed had I been pinned down in one place for long.

I like what Juli said - it will get different. It will and I promise you - well I hope - that you will barely remember this.

And the first truck thrown? Would be the last truck in our house. Wow. That has got to hurt, smile on his face or not. I hope he stops that for the sake of your body and the baby. Ouch.

Take care.

Jeremy Bates said...

Motherhood is by far the most difficult and demanding job in the entire world.

I empathize with you.

On a good note, did you hear that Sam Rami (Spiderman, Alice in Wonderland) is making, "Oz, the Great and Powerful?"

It's the prequel to the 1939 flick and centers on hos the wizard came to Oz.

March 2013. I can't wait!