Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Surfacing

Sometimes something happens in your life.  And your heart breaks.  You don't feel like a whole person.  Something, that you can't name, is missing.  You're lonely.  You're anxious.  You feel like you have lost everything.  It goes against all logic.  Your hope is gone.  Your happiness is gone.  Maybe even your faith.
Sometimes nothing goes right for a very long time.  Nothing will ever be the same.
And that is all you can think about.
Even when you are having dinner with your family.  Or opening Christmas presents.  Or riding a swing.  You're happy, but not really.
Your heart is hurting.
Sometimes you live life this way for so long that it feels like a real life.  It looks whole.  Nothing is really "wrong."  You're just... different.  People around you quit asking "what's the matter." 
"Nothing."
You're a shadow of who you were.
You're a ghost of a person who was dearly loved.

And then.
One day....
You look up.

And see things are just as they should be.
And you feel...
complete.
You feel like "you" again.

Today I looked up.


8 comments:

DoublClik said...

*Nodding and clapping* YES.

Jeannie said...

Yay!

I think I've gone through the motions more often than not in my life. But since my surgery, I think the real me is emerging. It's kinda fun.

SkippyMom said...

Gosh he is cute. Who is his little friend?

Julianna said...

You have no idea how much I get this.

Congrats on your surfacing. :)

Ginger Bradley said...

I've felt that way since I moved to Idaho and then all you girls moved on.....keep looking up, Patty

Cinderella, the A-Train and Our Little Caboose said...

This is probably one of my most favorite posts. Love ya Patty!

Kar said...

Oh, Pats, you don't know how happy this makes me. I know exactly what you're talking about - with myself and with you. I don't know what's made you surface, but I'm so, so glad.

Brett and Tiffany said...

What a wonderful feeling for you! You really need to come to Idaho and have nachos with me again! I miss you!