How To Be Not Mad

This is one of those "Smile for the Picture" photos.  I'm not really this smiley and carefree about having two boys to tend to. But I do think my eyebrows look good.

I think the secret to this Mom Thing is the old "Take Time For Yourself."
But not in the way it's always advertised.
I mean, get real.  Going to get a pedicure is out of the question with a 2 year old and a new born.  Heck, getting ready to get a pedicure is basically out of the question.  Spending time reading in a bubble bath... that's silly.  For two reasons.  One, I think baths are gross.  Just sitting in water made murky by all the dirt and mulch pieces that stuck to you from the playground with your toddler and all the puke/poop/drool from the new baby.  Eh eh.  Gross.  Second,  the warm water would activate le ol' milk ducts and I'd have two lactating fountains.  Again.  Eh eh.
All those glamorous "Me Time" ideas are ridiculous.  And even with a helpful partner, which I have, the time is still so limited.  I mean Joe Joe likes to eat.  A lot.  I haven't taught him to tell time yet but feeding every four hours is practically starving him.  So he's attached to the boob most of the day.  (Maybe that's why he's gained almost 4 pounds in a month.)

Anyway.

I have come to this conclusion.  I have to do something for me.  Every day.  I've spent a couple days paddling in the boat with the moms who don't and I know what it's like.  I end up resenting the kids.  Having thoughts of how mice life would be without them.  I think about hiring a kidnapper.  Not listed in the Yellow Pages. Hmph.  I swear at them in my head.  And sometimes out loud.  Anytime Joey starts crying I think "Where is the closest wall?  He's going through it!"  It's awful.  I feel possessed.  But, any mom who is doing this a-round the clock knows the feeling.  Like there is no escape.  Drowning.  Drowning when you weren't even having fun swimming.  Drowning when you were like... paddling on a treadmill or something.  Life feels heavy.  Awful.  And unhappy.

I think this is why some moms end up looking so upset.  And wrinkly.  Not to mention have perma-angry eyebrows and frowns.  Even when their kids are grown up. 

So- here's my secret.  First.  When Koley is going through a fit or tantrum or anything that involves yelling-  I walk away.  I'm not going to give in to him so why do I have to stand there and listen to him whine about it.  (Whine is not a strong enough word.  What is the word for whine times a million?)  It's little.  But it helps me.  I also have started reading my Oprah magazine when I am nursing the baby.  I started with my current book but there are a lot of interruptions when nursing a new born.  Burping, puking, Kole grabbing him.  I could get through 2 sentences over and over and over.  Frustrating.  So I switched to a magazine.  The first 5 or 6 times I browse through it I only look at the pictures anyway.  My biggest help has been movies.  Joey is still putting me in the Circle of Pain every night starting at about 10.  And carrying on until 1 or 2.  Only once until 3.  (In his defense it is getting better.  He told me I had to write that.)  But instead of pacing my bedroom and bouncing him and crying with him and watching Ken sleep and wishing I was in bed and praying for the strength not to harm this baby... I put in a no-think movie.  Movies like "The Devil Wears Prada"  or "Eat Pray Love."  A movie where the dialogue is not really that important.  That way I never get mad when Joe Bo amps up and I can't hear.  The time goes so much faster.  I feel like I did something fun.  And I'm not mad.

I figure I'm going to be tired anyway.  I might as well enjoy myself.

Does anyone else have a suggestion for me?
A trick you used to keep sanity?
Ken says adoption is not an option.