How to Accept an Apology

Answer me this:
What do you say after someone says they're sorry?

With little kiddo ma griddos I always say, "That's okay."  Because, really, it is okay.
Kole breaks something, says sorry, and I'm over it.
"That's okay."

But what about in adult relationships?

When Ken says sorry.... the first thoughts in my head are:
1.  Yeah.  You better be.
2.  I know you are.
3.  You're sorry.  Aaaannnnd?
4.  Sorry means you'll never do it again.  Did you know that? Do you promise to never do it again?

It seems weird to say, "That's okay" to an adult.  But when I'm not thinking unkind things... my next thought is to apologize myself.  (Even if I did nothing wrong... truthfully... not just saying selfishly.) I'll end up saying I overreacted or it wasn't that big of a deal anyway.  And then I feel slightly compromised.  Or I think of lecturing.  Lose lose sit-ee-a-shun.

I just can't think of the right response.

I'm sorry.
We'll make it.

I'm sorry.
Remorse is so important.

I'm sorry.
I still like you.

I'm sorry.
I accept. 

Is there a pat response I never knew about?  Like Thank You/ You're Welcome?  *Sneeze*/Bless you? 
I'm sorry/ ________ ?

With Spring Comes Change

I am putting it on the record that the snow is done here.
I can't take another snow storm.

Old dreary Winter Patty is going into summer hibernation and warm, Peppy Patty is back.  (Does Peppy Patty sound better than Patty Peppy?  Try it.  Peppy Patty.  Patty Peppy.  Are you thinking about Pepe le Pew now?)

I'm a Leo.
And, generally, I think all that horoscope, Saturn being the house of Moons during the transition of the stars-  is zodiac malarky...

Therefore, the fact that I check on my daily horoscope is kept mostly under my hat.
But since we're on the topic:

You and a friend could come up with the same words at the same time, which might be a little disconcerting for both of you. 

Wait.  Were you going to say that?  Right now?  No WAY!  That was a little disconcerting.

Still, this increased intuition is likely to help your understanding of those close to you more than you ever expected. Make the most of it, and remember what you learn.

Thanks www.horoscope.com I do feel an increase in my intuition.  It's telling me to get back on topic.


The sun rejuvenates me.
Maybe because I'm a Leo.  Maybe because I'm human. 

The sun shining has caused this Leo to shake out her mane and do some Spring Things.

1.  Gardening class at a local Nursery last Saturday.  Awesome.  I learned that pruning is an art not a science.  It can take years to master.  But I went lopper ker-AZY when I got home.  And I asked for a chainsaw for Mother's Day.  You don't normally thinking pruning and chainsaw together.  But you haven't seen my back yard/orchard. 

2.  Took a walk with Kolerooski and Jo Bob Millionaire.  We live on a busier street.  But after a careful (and stressful) crossing into safer pastures, we toured the neighborhood.  Just walked up and down streets.  Saw tulips and daffodils popping up.  Saw a few blue blooms on some flowers... not crocuses... but obviously an early bloomer.  Kole called every mailbox "cute."  Which, at first, was cute.  But then after the 75th mailbox I was like, "What's cute about that one?  It's all rusty."  I must of burst his bubble because he switched to cute rocks instead.

3.  Cleaned out under the sink.  I hate it under there.  It's dark.  Stuff misses the garbage can and just rots there.  There have been carrot peels there for at least 45 days. There's no organization.  There's probably spiders.  And I just... beghhh.  Yuck.  But something about that sun shining through the kitchen windows!  Opened it up! Donned my rubber gloves!  And presto.  Cleaned.  5 minutes too.  What CAN'T I do?!

4.  This is the big one.  Applied for school.  I quit school 5 years ago.  I've tried sugar coating it all this time with things like I'm just taking a break and I had to put Ken through school and I got pregnant and then there were babies and excuses, excuses, excuses!  I applied to The University of Utah.  Tomorrow I have an appointment with a counselor to get my classes lined up.  If I can get in.  I am really hoping I get in. 

The sunny weather has got me thinking I probably will. 

What about you?  Anything Spring in your future?

The X Factor

The question that's been on my mind lately is, "What makes someone cool?"
I know I'm not.  But I can't figure out why.  What part of my life is so out of line with the trend... that I will never ever be cool.
I know cool people.  But I can't find the common thread that weaves through each of their hip lives.
I thought there's gotta be a list.  A standard.  A path to achieve coolness.  Okay.  It's becoming too obvious I'm uncool.
Hmmm.  How to go about this.
People who are cool dress a certain way.  They wear certain colors in a certain way.  They layer.  They have winter coats that keep them warm even when they aren't buttoned.  They can wear hats or bandanas and not look like they are going to work outside.  They don't wear what's in the magazines or store windows... but they look so put together.
I tried applying some of these fashion items to my own life.  Scarves seem to be big so I started wearing them.  But when tied atop my chesties... I look like I have a thick woven noose around my neck.  Or a neck brace.  Not cool, Patsmo.  Both cool boys and cool girls wear skinny jeans.  And never fidget with them.  When I try to be cool and wear skinnies I am hiking them up all day and twisting the bottoms so the seams are straight.  What am I missing?  I think my skinny jeans know I am not cool and don't want to be seen with me.

Picture to demonstrate I can wear the clothes cool people wear and still.... miss:

Julie, Andi, Me

 Notice.  Me and Julie are both wearing short pants windsuits.  But Julie looks cool in hers. And I look middle-aged.  Is it the sunglasses?  She's wearing hers... I have mine fastened handily to my zipper.  Is it the color schemes? Same outfit.  Different results.  

I've thought maybe it's the gadgets.  Cool people have cool gadgets.  That makes sense.  And they are so fluid with them.  Our 2 year contract was up and when we went to renew we got phone upgrades.  I had to part with my flip phone (they aren't going to provide service to them anymore.)  It was rough.  They gave us free iPhones.  I'm not kidding.  It's the iPhone 4.  So it's two stages ago... but still.  Ken brought it home and i was like "Wuz UP!  I'm cool!  I've got an iPhone!"  And then I tried using it.  And I'm still not cool.  Because I don't know when it's ringing, or when I called someone, or when I've hung up (or not hung up), or how to change the background picture.  The texting... is supposed to be easier.  But I think only cool people get it.  I think Apple (PERIOD) is for cool people.  I should just stick with Dell and flip phones.  It's where I am comfortable.

Is it being smart?  Knowing a lot?  Reading?  The music you listen to?  Playing guitar?  Liking Star Wars or The Hobbit?  Liking Sex and the City?  Is it the people you know?  Is it the ability to comfortably tell a good joke?

I'm puzzled.  Because at some point your coolness can turn... on you.  Like you like Star Wars and that's cool.  (Right?)  And then you like it a lot and get all the movies and action figures and hang posters in your dining, living, and bed rooms.  You only wear Star Wars clothing and you redo your house to look like the Death Star.  Suddenly, you're not cool.  You're weird.
But weird people can be cool.
And it used to be dorky to read but now it's cool to read.  And I've always read but I never evolved from dorky to cool.  How did I miss the wave?

I have one really cool friend.  She just emanates coolness.  I don't know why she likes being my friend.  Could just be our kids are the same age.  But she was over and saw a picture of John Lennon hanging in Joey's room.  She asked if I was a hippie or a flower child.  I told her no.  Even though in my head I was like, "Oooo!  Am I?  They're cool?!  Maybe I am!  Maybe having that picture makes me cool?"  
She also dresses her kids in cool clothes.  Her son wears shirts that have skulls and guitars and cool phrases on them.  And Kole wears stripes.  Or a shirt with a multi-colored train.  When I tell her how cool she dresses her kids she assures me that I can go to the store and buy the same clothes.  *clears throat* Refer to above picture.  Just doesn't work.

In closing, my sister Victoria, claims that during your school years everyone is popular at least one grade.  I think that was 5th grade for me.  I remember the popular girls talking to me... but I said no when they invited me to a birthday party at the South Park Ice Skating Rink.  Could have been the wrong move.

So, I'm still stumped.  It's something to do with attitude.  And confidence.  But I've got mad pat-titude and enough confidence to send some to the poor kids in Africa.  But I consistently fall short of the cool bar.

What is it?  What is it that makes someone cool?

Being Greeted.

My local Walmart has two greeters.  They both work the same door (the grocery side) at different times.  They are not good at their job.  First, I can't figure out why Walmart has greeters.  Am I the only one who is uncomfortable around them?  I never know if I should make eye contact.  Does that initiate a "stop and chat?"  They are wearing a name tag.  Should I introduce myself?  Part of my goals from my birthday.... yeah... I set my goals from my birthday.  It's more my year that way.  Part of my goals was to be more open and friendly.  Walmart greeters should be good practice.
One guy, I'll call him Larry.  Is super tall.  I mean, taller than my Dad.  He's probably in his late 70s early 80s.  And for the first...oh I don't know... 45 times I went in and he was there...I nodded at him or said hello or waved.... he PURPOSELY looked at something else.  Um.  Hi.  Your job is to greet ME.  Not the other way around.  I'm stepping out of my comfort zone here can I at least get an eyebrow raise and a half nod my way?  It'd help.  So, this one time I went in... I waved and said, "Hey, Larry!"  and if wasn't all candied pecans and jello jigglers after that.  Now he sees me coming and pulls a cart out for me.  Asks how the little ones are doing.  Asks what I'm running in for.  Sometimes he touches my shoulder.  Eh.  That's a little too much.  Kinda get a little cringe-y there.  But I cracked him.  But it makes me wonder about all the other people who head into Walmart and instead of feeling welcomed by Larry... run past because they haven't broken that barrier yet.
The other guy... we'll call him Mike.  He's impossible.  First.  He's in a wheelchair.  So.  That's awkward for me.  Probably because I can walk and he's always pissed off.  If he looks at you he is scowling.  And, deep down, I've always figured people in wheelchairs really hate people not in wheelchairs even if they put on the whole "Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow" facade.  But this guy, is open about it.  I've tried smiling at him a few times.  Not a good move.  I think he wanted to charge me with his wheelchair.  I mean to him, maybe he is thinking, like, "She's just smiling at me because I'm in a wheelchair and she's trying to make me feel better.  Like a smile can somehow make me walk again."  When really... I'm just doing it because One, I'm scared of him.  Two, It was a goal of mine.  And Three, don't we all try to go out of our way for the disabled?  It would be really cool if Walmart hired a handicapped person and they were really outgoing and fun and said hi to everyone.  I think it would break down some real social barriers.  But to hire a scrooge?  In a wheelchair? (Which I am not against or prejudice towards.... at all... I just think he is going to use his hellacious set of wheels as a weapon.)When I already don't know what to say or how to act or where to look?
What were they thinking?

Reasons to Go to the Gym

Ken signed us up for a Gym Membership.  Couple things here.
First, did I correctly capitalize that? "G"ym "M"embership?  I gets a little caps crazy.  But it does seem title worthy.
Real First.
I'm not obsessive about weight.  At all.  It's a number and it means nothing.  When I lived in Europe I learned the key to looking good is to simply wear your size.  Nothing tight and nothing baggy and you'll look fantastic.  Sorta been my motto.  Something to stand firmly by when I tell a size 0, 95 pound trainer... that I am a size 12 and weigh 167.  I say it with no guilt and no shame.  Not quite proudly... but I'm not embarrassed.
And I get an opened mouth look.
A look I have never known how to interpret.

Second.
I am my same "pre-baby weight."  Which also means nothing.  Because, for those of you who haven't had kids, you can be that same weight you were pre-child and look totally different.  For those of you who have had kids... quit hating.  I just lucked out.  And am married to someone who was obsessively strict about what I ate when I was pregnant.
Words to describe how I look: Saggy.  Droopy.  Downwardly.  Slack.  Floppy.  Baggy. My boobs are there but not perky like when I was 20. or 21.  or 22.  or any age before I had Kole.  (< 26).  And my butt?  Hangs out with the back of my knees.  Even my arms have become...dangle-y.
I realize these problems can be solved with a new bra, some Spanx, and a tanning pass.  That's my normal go-to.  (Add whitening strips to the mix.)  But a nice new bra would get ruined (and stinky) from breast milk and I tried to get my Spanx on.  *sigh* They aren't going past my knees.  I can't justify paying for a tanning pass when it's still sunny and hot here.  But the double down side it my Jergens Natural Glow just ran out.
Dead end.  Dead end.  Dead end.
Then Ken comes home with this Gym Pass.  (<--- Caps again. ??)
Therein lies my salvation.
Generally I would label myself as a Non-Gym Rat.  I don't like gyms all that much.   Or should I say I don't like gyms much at all. Mostly because I sign up, pay the fee, and then don't go and I feel like I wasted my money.
However!
I've been going everyday for a week.
Minus the one day I didn't go.
After going once, and realizing confirming that "It is true.  I don't like to work out"  I have still kept going for 2 reasons.
1.  No kids are allowed at the Gym.
2.  Every machine has its own TV.

Who WOULDN'T go work out?

When I come home Ken asks what I did.  Elliptical.
How far did you go?  Hmmm.  I don't know.
How many calories did you burn?  Oh! I don't know.
Were you in your target heart rate?  Beats me.  Did you know Kourtney wants to have a water birth?
Is Kourtney someone you met at the Gym today?  No.  She's one of the Kardashians.  That's what I watch when I go.

And poor Khloe had to go and watch a real water birth with Kourtney.  Psht.  Tough stuff.
Ken says I should go and focus on my long term goals.

.....

Goals like buy my own TV so I can watch it at home without putting on work out clothes?
Good goal.

(I am down 3 pounds in one week.  Something is working.  Oh!  ME!  I'm working...out.)