Monday, June 7, 2010

The Evil Empire




Ken calls Walmart the Evil Empire because it is going to take over the world. I like going to Walmart. I really do. I think it's because I get a real kick when things are only $1 and you're not at the Dollar Store. Being pregnant and going to Walmart has been hilarious for me.
First. The store is so huge it would take a normal person 3-5 minutes to get from one side to the other. It takes me like 10. And I pack a water bottle. And take multiple breaks. I'm normally panting and a little sweaty by the time I get from Automotive to Crafts.
Second. Every time I've gone to Walmart in the last month a stranger has come up to me and congratulated me on the upcoming baby, offered advice, or asked to feel my stomach. I guess since we are both shopping at Walmart we do share a common bond.
Last week I was there and checking out baby clothes (THAT WERE $1!!) and an older (maybe 60s or 70s) woman comes up in one of those motorized wheelchair/shopping carts. I don't think she was handicapped... I think she was overweight. This was our conversation:

Woman: When's that baby coming out?
Me: First part of July! (all smiley)
W: Is this your first?
M: It is.
W: I think you're going to pop sooner than that.
M: Really?!
W: Oh yeah. For sure.
M: Well, maybe. We'll just wait and see.
W: Are you having a boy or a girl?
M: It's a boy.
W: Oh, how lovely.
M: Yeah- we're excited.
W: Oh! You are married?
M: Yes. I am. About 5 years.
W: That's good. It's easier to raise a baby when you have a husband.
M: *nods head*
W: Is he loyal to you?
M: Yeah. Yeah he is loyal to me.
W: Oh, how lovely.
M: *nods head*
W: Well, let me tell you about delivering a baby. It's awful. You're laying there and thinking you're going to die and hoping you'll die and asking God to let you die. And you're screaming and you're sweating. And then.... there's a baby and you forget everything. All you think is 'Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby.' You forget it hurts. You forget you hated it. You forget all about being pregnant and you are the happiest you've ever been.
M: Awww... that sounds great.
W: Oh, you will love being a mom. You'll be good at it.
M: Thank you so much. (Starts looking around thinking 'I really need to move on here.')
W: Do you work now?
M: I do.
W: You're not going to work with that baby are you?
M: No. I plan on staying home.
W: That's the only way to raise children.
M: Oh?
W: Yup. They need you so much.
She then starts going through her cart and showing me everything she is buying and who she is getting it for. She got some colorful wash cloths for her daughter because their washer is old and the water is always brown so it turns all their clothes and things brown. She figured if they were colorful the brown wouldn't show up as much. She got some dog treats for her three dogs. She got a few candles that were a dollar to put in the bathroom. Her husband has some issues. Then she started telling me how people need help in this tough time for money. I agreed.
Woman: Do you need some help?
Me: Me? No. I'm okay.
W: No. No. You come with me. Let's go over to the baby clothes and get something for your new one.
Me: *shocked* Thank you so much, but I'm really fine.
W: Oh come on. I saw some cute stuff that wasn't more than $3. Let's go! she started driving away
Me: Really, I am fine. Thank you for your offer and for your help.
W: Now, young lady- I am going to offer you to buy an outfit one more time and then we're through. So, will you come over here and pick out something for me to buy for your son?
Me: *laughing* You don't have to do that. You are very generous. I'll be fine. Thanks.
W: Well, good luck on your big day then. And when you're in the middle of delivering think or me and remember that you won't remember a thing.

And with that- we parted ways.

How can you NOT love Walmart.

8 comments:

Chris-baby and Jules-a-bug said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chris-baby and Jules-a-bug said...

Hahaha. Classic. This one time an older lady stopped me in walmart because I had sweet potatoes in the cart. She told me I HAD to make sweet potatoe fries because she was having them tonight and told me how to make them.

Karlenn said...

OMG. You stayed longer into that conversation than I would have. She sounds like she would be a really great character in a book. She would fit right in with those Guernsey crazies. :) And as far as Wal-Mart, my dad says that, someday, we will ALL be working for them.

Brett and Tiffany said...

HILARIOUS! You crack me up! Sounds like that lady was a little "quacky"! Glad you had fun in Yellowstone!

The Empey Fam! said...

thats hilarious!!! I would have taken the outfit! hahha

johnandjana said...

That is too funny! Sounds like a lonely little lady. You should have taken the outfit like the Empey family said. I have only been in Walmart i time in the last year and a half. Not my place to shop I guess.

megan said...

How hilarious!! I never would've stayed that long!! That would've been so weird. LOL

Cinderella, the A-Train and Our Little Caboose said...

That is quite possibly the best story I have ever heard. There is ALWAYS an adventure at Walmart. haha