I'm A Survivor

Yesterday, in church, we had a lesson on overcoming trials.  It was entitled, "Songs They Could Not Sing."  Touching.  And a touch dramatic.
I am not one to scoff at trials.  I've been dealt a few.
I mean, we all have, right?
In one way or another we have all faced the burden heartache.
Whether it's in the form of sickness, loss of faith, the death of a child or spouse or friend.  Trials can be financial.  Trials come in the form of emotional death... where you're depressed or anxious... or maybe you're OCD and really wish you weren't.  You may have gone through a horrible divorce or lost the trust of someone you love.
And then there are times when you can't pinpoint what's bugging you- you're just not happy.
We all are faced with trials in some way.

I was sitting there listening to white-haired women go on about trials they had years ago and were still upset and crying over.  Events that took place 50 and 60 years ago!  And from listening to them you'd think it was last week.  They were still carrying the grief with them. 

I was shocked by how many women in this class were crying.  Bawling.  Trying (unsuccessfully) to hold it all in.  One was stricken with an illness.  Another went through a divorce.  Another lost a child "to the world."  One suffered infertility when she was younger but later bore children.  And they all seemed to have the same plea.  "Why do bad things happen to good people?" 

I raised my hand.
"Bad things happen to everybody.  Good people.  And bad people.  No one is singled out."

Uhhh....I wasn't met with applause.
In fact the teacher couldn't even think of anything to say to me and my comment.  (Not even a thank you or a polite nod or an eyebrow raise.)

I felt really uncomfortable.  I didn't want to belittle the heartaches and feelings of these women- but I couldn't believe that one bad thing defined their entire life and they still weren't over it.

And as I sat there I couldn't help but wonder.... What made me a survivor?
(How very Carrie Bradshaw-esque.)

You know what?  Let's walk down Trial Alley with me for a sec.

Trial #1
About 10 doctors told me I couldn't have kids.
Did I quit having sex with my husband?  No.  I did quit using protection... and look where THAT got me.

Trial #2
I had to put off my education so Ken could finish his.
Was that easy?  Might sound that way to you... but it wasn't.  I cried and pouted and built up all this resentment.
But you know what?  I'm registering to start back up in the Fall.  Couple semesters still have my name on them.

Trial #3
I've got a brain tumor.
Can't really tell you what it does to me- besides make my body produce milk... and empty my bank account.

These three aren't much and they don't (as they say) start to scratch the surface... but... when I think of these three phases of my life- I can remember being sad.  I remember crying.  A lot.  Asking Andi for sad songs to listen to.  I remember putting the ear buds in and checking out.  Not talking to people.  Not answering my phone.  Not showering or leaving the house.  I remember being mad. At everyone! Feeling like my life was over.  I remember being jealous that other people had it better.  Feeling like I was given the short end of the stick.

I can't imagine still feeling that way.  Still harboring those feelings.  Feelings of hate and hurt. 

It's not that the trials went away.  I mean, okay, I've got Koley and one on the way- so doctors have kinda lost their shiny good rep with me.  But, when one trial leaves another one always shows up.  Always.  I'm not every going to be trial-less.  It's not possible.

What IS possible is making the choice to GET OVER IT.  Quit sulking.  Stand up for yourself.  Quit waiting for someone else to make you happy.  Start living your own life.  This is your big (and only) shot.  Why waste it being upset.  Whatever it is, Let It Go.  Become a survivor.

Trust me.
It feels good to live.