Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Unclean Vessel

We've beat the "Ken-Calling-Me-An-Unclean-Vessel" horse to death in my opinion... but he seems to think there is still a little life left in there.

ACT I

Scene:  It's 10:30 PM.  Patty and Ken are laying in bed reading their books.  Ken is reading At Home by Bill Bryson.  Patty is reading Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire.  Although he doesn't mention it *cough* for once *cough* Ken feels quite superior that he is reading a book that you can't buy in the Teen Fantasy section.  Go Ken!  You're officially a grown up now. 

Patty:  I've decided I'm not going to drink pop the rest of this pregnancy.
Ken:  Smiling.  Nay, BEAMING with delight. That's great, Patty!  I'm really proud of you!  I'll quit drinking it to.  Then it will be easier on you.
Patty:  Moving in for a snuggle.  Awwww.... you don't have to do that.  I just really don't want to drink caffeine and if I drink pop I'll want a Coke.  So I'm not going to drink it anymore.  Until the baby comes.
[Ken puts his arm around Patty.  Snuggles ensue.]
Patty:  I am still going to drink lemonade and fruit punch though.
Ken:  Arm flies clear of Patty.  What?!
Patty:  What?  I still like stuff besides water.  I'm just not going to drink pop.  But if we ever go out somewhere I might get a Fruit Punch.  That's all.  What?
Ken:  That's just as bad as pop.
Patty:  Nuh uh.
Ken:  Yeah.  It is.  It's loaded with sugar.
Patty:  But there's not as much sugar as in pop and there's no caffeine.
Ken:  There is JUST as much sugar.  It's so bad for you!  You really shouldn't drink it either.
Patty: Feeling severely deflated.  You know?  Every time I get a great idea and I try to improve on something and I share it with you... I end up feeling stupid about it.  I wish you could go back to where you said "I'm proud of you" and you put my arm around me and we can think about nice things.
Ken:  Well, you're arguing with no facts.  Or just bad facts.  Or your feelings.
Patty:  I'm not arguing at all!  I said I'm not going to drink pop anymore.  That's a fact.  I said I'm still going to drink lemonade and fruit punch.  Also a fact.  I see no argument.
[Ken stares at Patty in amazement.  Ken starts laughing]
Ken:  I think I'm going to take my shower now.
Patty:  Okay, deary.  I love you.
[Ken begins to cross the bedroom.]
Ken:  What you said to me is like saying "I'm not going to eat Ding Dongs anymore,  I'm just going to eat Snickers."
Patty: Laughs.  Not true.  But clever.
Ken:  It's like saying I'm not going to eat cookies anymore... I'm just going to eat ice cream sundaes.
Patty:  Take your shower.

End Scene.

ACT II

Ken emerges from his shower.

Ken:  That's like saying I'm not going to eat Big Macs anymore... I'm just going to eat Whoppers.
Patty:  I like Whoppers better anyway.
Ken:  You're not getting the point.
Patty:  Smiling.  I guess I'm not.  But you're being very funny.

End Scene.

We read for a little while longer.  Turned off our lights.  Said our goodnights.  And Ken said "You're just an unclean vessel.  And I think it's hopeless."  To which I replied, "It's not hopeless.  I have given up pop, right?"

4 comments:

Chris Loves Julia said...

Hahahaha! Even I like a little fruit punch every now and then.

Kar said...

We're not allowed to drink soda on this diet thing my family is doing together, so I often have fruit punch or lemonade. Like you said, sometimes you want something more than water. Yeah, it's sugary, but it's not soda, right??

SkippyMom said...

Wow. This is going to be a long pregnancy.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I craved Snickers bars. Craved them to the point that my boss bought me a box of 25 [this is before Costco, so it was hard to find.] I ate them in a week. Our daughter is now a thriving, 5'8, 19 year old college sophomore.

My second child it was Big Macs. Thank Goodness they had a special going that Big Macs were a $1 each. Our son is now 6'3, 180 lbs and in perfect health.
[and there are no weight problems/diabetes in our family]

The only thing my doctor yelled at me about craving and eating were over easy eggs. Either they had to be cooked hard or I couldn't have them.

I guess my point is [and I am not making it well] is anything/everything in moderation won't hurt the baby. Of course you don't want to stick only to milk and water and an occasional POP, fruit punch or lemonade isn't going to do any harm. [Ask the doctor tho', and make sure it is in front of hubs]

If it makes it easier with your husband you could try the 100% juices they sell - Ocean Spray has a Cranberry juice that, although tart, is very delicious and a change of pace from water.

Or you can make your own lemondade with Truvia for the sweetner. It is all natural. He might like that.

Or decaf tea, with Truvia - perfect, good for you, iced tea.
Good luck.

Julianna said...

Yeah. Last time I checked, YOU had to lug around a gigantic bump on your front side, while the rest of your insides get turned inside out for the next nine months.

Honey, eat, drink, do what ever you want. The baby will thank you for it later.

:)