Thursday, May 23, 2013

Turning the Tables

When Kole acts out I have some pat answers from Love and Logic I give.  ("pat" can be interchanged for "Patty" given the circumstance.)
So my patty answers are:
"Bummer.  ______ is over now."  (Usually dinner.  When food starts a-flyin.)
"Uh-oh.  I feel sad when I break my things." 

Or for when he gets hurt or is in trouble or time out:
"Oh rats. Something like this never feels good." 
"I love you.  This must be hard." 

Now.  Koley-Pie, like all 2 year olds, needs something every time I'm on the phone, or feeding the baby, or going to the bathroom, or doing my makeup, or trying to be on time, or carrying groceries, or making lunch.  Basically anytime my attention is even slightly shifted, there's an emergency.  So, I started implementing Love and Logic.

Kole:  Mom!  I need you to fix this tire on my truck.
Me:  (arms full of grocery bags):  Oh bummer!  I'm carrying these bags right now.  I can help when I put them down.  Maybe you can try to fix it while you wait.  You're smart.  I know you can figure it out.

And, yeah.  I do talk like that. 

Kole:  Mom!  I need this monkey next to that bear.  Can you move it for me?
Me:  (giving Joey a bottle):  Bummer, man.  I want to help you!  But, I have to give Joey this bottle.  Maybe you can show me how to do it.  You're really good at solving problems.

Kole: Throws truck at Joey.  Nails him.
Me:  Bummer.  No more trucks.  I love you.  This must be hard.

It's been working for a few months.  I was so pleased with my success I put the Love and Logic book on the shelf for the first time in 2 years.  Thinking... I've so got this.

And then...this occurred:

Me:  Hey, bud!  Will you grab your sippy cup and put it in the sink?
Kole:  Bummer, Mom.  I'm playing right now.  I can't do that.  But you're smart.  You can do it, Mom!

The first time I laughed and thought, That little squirt is so smart. Then second time it happened I just shook my head and thought, Too smart.  Not good.  We're on like the 50 or 60th time it's happened and I'm furious.  I want to smack those little chipmunk cheek-ers and tell him he can't talk to me that way!  because he can't!  I'M the mom! Not him.

Without referring to The Book, I sat Kole down for a talk.  A heart to heart about who exactly is in charge around here.  He sat on my lap and we talked about everyone in our family and what they do.  I put a special emphasis on what Mom does and what Koley does.  After we were done, I summed it up.
I said, "So, I'm the mom.  And I make the rules."
He sat there for a minute not smiling.  Just nodding.
And then that little stink-butt Koley put his arms around my neck and put his forehead against mine and said, "Bummer, Mom.  You didn't figure it out yet.  I love you.  This must be hard."

I take it he's not conceding.


Ominy Beckstead said...

Holy cow Patty, that is hilarious!...but I totally feel for you. Parenting can be soo frustrating! I just recently heard about that book "Love and Logic" and I have wanted to get and it and read it, but now I'm a little concerned that my oldest will turn it around and use it on me! Haha.

Juli said...

I am laughing so hard right now because THAT is my kids. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

The other day, Tony was reading the blog and Youngest was sitting next to him. He laughed and said "hey look at the title!"

Tony: "Yeah, Surviving Boys."

Youngest: "Yeah... and most days lately she's barely making it."

Megan said...

LOL that's hilarious! I'm glad my kids aren't THAT smart! :) Hehe, but they do pick up on things you really wish they wouldn't. I'm not sure I'm a good enough mom to do things the Love & Logic way. Maybe I should reconsider it though.

Kar said...

Oh jeez. He is SO SMART. I really do love Love and Logic. I wonder if it has any answers for this type of situation... I think it's one of those, "Well, if you can't do this for me, the next time you need me to do something for you, I won't be able to" type situations. I think I remember that from the Love and Logic class I took.