Thursday, May 2, 2013

Double Duty: Dentist and DMV

I had to go to the dentist yesterday.  Cavities love my mouth.  I mean, I love candy, cakes, cookies, pop, caramel, taffy, pop tarts, brownies... so maybe one (Kenmo) would think I have it coming in the cavity area.  But my defense is, doesn't everyone love those things?  And I am the only who gets cavities all the time?  I guess if I have to get cavities so the rest of the world can enjoy sweets so be it.  I've always been the martyr-ing type.  So there were the cavities, and that root canal I never got crowned.  That chipped.  Mostly.  Off.  It was way in the back and I was thinking along the lines of... $1200 for a tooth no one even sees is such a waste.  So I told Ken I was just going to have it pulled.  And he told me I wasn't a hillbilly. 
I married up. *wink*
So, yesterday I spent an hour and forty five minutes in the dentist chair and although I've always considered myself a good sport when it came to dentistry, I felt severely beat up afterwards.  He filled two cavities, and... laser-ed off part of my gums that had grown too far down.  I didn't know that happened or that it was bad (or that it was legal to put a laser in someone's mouth).  But I do know what melted flesh taste like now.  So, win win.
Here's the kicker to the story.
In order to qualify for in-state tuition I had to have a Utah driver's license by May 1. 
Yesterday being such date, kids already at a sitter, I plotted over to the DMV after I finished up at the dentist.
Not yet realizing the complete stupidity.  I just figured it would be kinda a sucky morning.
I pulled into the DMV and whipped out my lipstick.  I pulled down my mirror and went to put on my lipstick and....Werrrrrrt.  Couldn't really stay in the lip lines.  I was numb.  Half my face was numb. 
This is when it hit me.
I'm completely numb on 50% of my face.
The good outfit I picked out isn't going to cover the fact that I look like Two Face.
Typical Patty Move.
I laughed which looked ridiculous and made me laugh even harder.  And drool.
After I wiped the lipstick off my side chin I went in and the first thing they wanted to do was take
my picture.
I figured- just go straight face.  Serious... and Mysterious.  Perfect.
But the little DMV lady said, "Why don't you smile?"
So... I did.
Well half my face smiled and the other half Quasimodo-ed.
Her eyes got real big and she said, "Oh!  You don't have to if you don't want to."
I started laughing again and told her I came over from a dentist appointment.
She laughed and told me I was dumb.  Which made me laugh harder.  And drool more.  Old people can just say that stuff.  She handed me some Kleenex and said she'd try a couple shots until we found a good one.

Yup.  That's the good one.  It doesn't even show my cute sweater or killer necklace.  I tried talking her into letting me have the one where I really Quasi-ed it up- but she said that would be inappropriate. Claiming "SANCTUARY!" only confused her.  God Bless The Outcasts.


6 comments:

Beth Willmore said...

Oh my heck you seriously kill me Patty! That is the funniest story ever, and especially funny that you get to relive that day for the next 2 years until your license expired (or if you were feeling reeeeally Quasi you went for the 4 year license?)...

Good job!

DoublClik said...

DISTURBED the tutoring appointment going on in the living room when i read (and sang) "God Bless the Outcasts" bahahahahahah

Juli said...

Blame it on the lighting. :) Here we have LOVELY backgrounds that wash any trace of the living right out of the photo. It's really not even worth the effort. Besides, when I do get ID-ed now, even on my worst day, I'm looking great comparatively.

Celeste said...

That made me laugh so hard!! Ironically, Chad is just like you and he also had a dentist appointment yesterday!! He had a root canal a few years back that went bad so needless to say, he has no tooth there, total hillbilly!!! Yesterday he had 4 cavities filled on both sides of his mouth. When he got home he was completely numb, I mean tong and all!! It was so hilarious to listen to him talk because he sounded like he was, well lets just say NOT normal!! I was laughing so hard! He then tried to take a drink, eat dinner, and brush his teeth all of which were an epic fail which included trying to eat his lip along with his dinner!! You too would have been a pretty couple yesterday!!

Weston Wadlington said...

“Werrrrrrt...” Seriously, this line. Hahaha!

That is why I have someone with me when I go get my face paralyzed. One thing, no one else in the house can drive, so I need to get a taxi back home. And I can’t imagine how I’ll explain to the cab driver where we’re going. I guess I could print a copy next time. But yeah, when I have to go to the doctor for something that involves anesthesia, I don’t schedule anything after. I just bask in the feeling for the rest of the day. Heh.

Weston Wadlington

Latarsha Ghoston said...

That's quite an experience for you! It sounds scary but reading your story, I can't help but have a good laugh. Now I realize that I needed someone with me every time I visit my dentist; just a relief that whatever happens I have someone with me to tell the taxi driver where I live. :-p NEHoustonImplants.com