Thursday, May 2, 2013

Double Duty: Dentist and DMV

I had to go to the dentist yesterday.  Cavities love my mouth.  I mean, I love candy, cakes, cookies, pop, caramel, taffy, pop tarts, brownies... so maybe one (Kenmo) would think I have it coming in the cavity area.  But my defense is, doesn't everyone love those things?  And I am the only who gets cavities all the time?  I guess if I have to get cavities so the rest of the world can enjoy sweets so be it.  I've always been the martyr-ing type.  So there were the cavities, and that root canal I never got crowned.  That chipped.  Mostly.  Off.  It was way in the back and I was thinking along the lines of... $1200 for a tooth no one even sees is such a waste.  So I told Ken I was just going to have it pulled.  And he told me I wasn't a hillbilly. 
I married up. *wink*
So, yesterday I spent an hour and forty five minutes in the dentist chair and although I've always considered myself a good sport when it came to dentistry, I felt severely beat up afterwards.  He filled two cavities, and... laser-ed off part of my gums that had grown too far down.  I didn't know that happened or that it was bad (or that it was legal to put a laser in someone's mouth).  But I do know what melted flesh taste like now.  So, win win.
Here's the kicker to the story.
In order to qualify for in-state tuition I had to have a Utah driver's license by May 1. 
Yesterday being such date, kids already at a sitter, I plotted over to the DMV after I finished up at the dentist.
Not yet realizing the complete stupidity.  I just figured it would be kinda a sucky morning.
I pulled into the DMV and whipped out my lipstick.  I pulled down my mirror and went to put on my lipstick and....Werrrrrrt.  Couldn't really stay in the lip lines.  I was numb.  Half my face was numb. 
This is when it hit me.
I'm completely numb on 50% of my face.
The good outfit I picked out isn't going to cover the fact that I look like Two Face.
Typical Patty Move.
I laughed which looked ridiculous and made me laugh even harder.  And drool.
After I wiped the lipstick off my side chin I went in and the first thing they wanted to do was take
my picture.
I figured- just go straight face.  Serious... and Mysterious.  Perfect.
But the little DMV lady said, "Why don't you smile?"
So... I did.
Well half my face smiled and the other half Quasimodo-ed.
Her eyes got real big and she said, "Oh!  You don't have to if you don't want to."
I started laughing again and told her I came over from a dentist appointment.
She laughed and told me I was dumb.  Which made me laugh harder.  And drool more.  Old people can just say that stuff.  She handed me some Kleenex and said she'd try a couple shots until we found a good one.

Yup.  That's the good one.  It doesn't even show my cute sweater or killer necklace.  I tried talking her into letting me have the one where I really Quasi-ed it up- but she said that would be inappropriate. Claiming "SANCTUARY!" only confused her.  God Bless The Outcasts.


Beth Willmore said...

Oh my heck you seriously kill me Patty! That is the funniest story ever, and especially funny that you get to relive that day for the next 2 years until your license expired (or if you were feeling reeeeally Quasi you went for the 4 year license?)...

Good job!

DoublClik said...

DISTURBED the tutoring appointment going on in the living room when i read (and sang) "God Bless the Outcasts" bahahahahahah

Juli said...

Blame it on the lighting. :) Here we have LOVELY backgrounds that wash any trace of the living right out of the photo. It's really not even worth the effort. Besides, when I do get ID-ed now, even on my worst day, I'm looking great comparatively.

Celeste said...

That made me laugh so hard!! Ironically, Chad is just like you and he also had a dentist appointment yesterday!! He had a root canal a few years back that went bad so needless to say, he has no tooth there, total hillbilly!!! Yesterday he had 4 cavities filled on both sides of his mouth. When he got home he was completely numb, I mean tong and all!! It was so hilarious to listen to him talk because he sounded like he was, well lets just say NOT normal!! I was laughing so hard! He then tried to take a drink, eat dinner, and brush his teeth all of which were an epic fail which included trying to eat his lip along with his dinner!! You too would have been a pretty couple yesterday!!

Weston Wadlington said...

“Werrrrrrt...” Seriously, this line. Hahaha!

That is why I have someone with me when I go get my face paralyzed. One thing, no one else in the house can drive, so I need to get a taxi back home. And I can’t imagine how I’ll explain to the cab driver where we’re going. I guess I could print a copy next time. But yeah, when I have to go to the doctor for something that involves anesthesia, I don’t schedule anything after. I just bask in the feeling for the rest of the day. Heh.

Weston Wadlington

Latarsha Ghoston said...

That's quite an experience for you! It sounds scary but reading your story, I can't help but have a good laugh. Now I realize that I needed someone with me every time I visit my dentist; just a relief that whatever happens I have someone with me to tell the taxi driver where I live. :-p