Thursday, April 15, 2010

Free At Last, Free At Last!

Today it ends. The bizarre frantic rush that turns every accountant and CPA into some form of a monster or zombie. I like to think I morph into a super-sweet-customer-friendly-monster. Maybe at work. Ken would testify otherwise. The end of this season is quite welcome. This year had several low/ridiculous points:

1. The argument I had with a client about not being able to write off pets. Not even cats or dogs. Fish. Come! ON!

2. The argument I had with a client when she only got $13,000 back as a refund. Come! ON!
3. The argument I had with a client about having to wait his turn in line like every one else. This is a business. If you can't think of it that way- think of it like you are on the playground. And you want to get on the slide. But there are three kids in front of you. You have you wait, huh, sweetie? Come! ON!
4. The argument I had with a client about switching to a flat tax. She claims nobody will make charitable contributions if we do. And all these helpful organizations will go to the crapper. Really? That's the only reason she had for not switching to flat tax. And apparently the only reason she makes donations. Yeah- I do it for the write off too. Forget about the good of mankind. Lady, you're an idiot. Come! ON!
5. The time a lady called me with some "tax questions" and tried to trick me into walking her through turbo tax. Come! ON!
To tally: Patty 5 wins. Clients 0 wins. I am ruthless! I also have at least one client every year that makes me cry. Says something offensive or gives me an unnecessary hard time. Or tells me how bad I am at my job. Not this year! Sure the mean things came but I felt somehow disconnected. A lady that works in my office said that means I am becoming a mama bear. Me likey that.

So to officially mark this momentous close of Tax Season I am writing a poem:

Tax season you're stinky
You're rotten and mean
I have carpal tunnels
From my 10-key machine

You trick me each year
You start out so slowly
But by February I hate you
And say words un-holy
March brings the idiots
And working around the clock
I've told several dumbos
"Go to H&R Block"

By April I'm a zombie
It's a transformation I dread
My mind tells my brain
There is a light ahead

That light comes too slowly
My computer normally breaks
I run out of ink, paper, and patience
Fixing other people's mistakes

But year after year
The 15th comes
And I relish the day
I don't have to deal with these bums

Today it is here
The 15th at last
I'm smiling and grinning....
So do your own damn return


Karlenn said...

I love how the very last line doesn't rhyme. Classic!! Hahaha! I loved hearing about the arguments. People are so dumb. And greedy. I'm happy to have my friend back. :) Do you have to work a full day today?? Hopefully not.

Poulsen Family said...

Oh, so very cleaver! Now you can spend your time getting ready for your little boy :)

johnandjana said...

I love the poem and that you are becoming a mama bear. Relax now for awhile and put your feet up and eat bonbons all day! Ya Right! Don't we wish we could do that. Have a great day.

Chris-baby and Jules-a-bug said...

I thought about you all day yesterday like it was your birthday or something. It probably felt BETTER than your birthday. Minus funfetti...or maybe you went for the funfetti. Hehe.

Brett and Tiffany said...

Yeah! Another year over! Tell Ken to take you out!