Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Stress on Multiple Levels.

Today I am stressing because I have 3 errands to complete:

1.  Drop off library books that are due today.
2.  Refill printer cartridge.
3.  Go to post office to mail letters.

I wish I could explain why having three things to do stresses me out.  I like having one thing to do a day.  And I like it when that one thing is "Get the mail." 
I think about 3 years ago- I was working in an accounting firm and January was my busiest, most hellish month of the year.  And I THRIVED on it.  The deadlines.  The mayhem.  The phone ringing.  And ringing.  And ringing.  Working Saturdays.  Man!  It was a major rush.  I mean, I hated it.  But it really got my blood pumping.  Today, I have 3 incredibly mundane things to do and I can't control my breathing I am so nervous about it. 
Don't know.
I also need to take my nail polish off but I don't want to kill myself from stress levels.  So that might wait until tomorrow. *wink*

On a more emotional side- I've been worried about this new baby.  Not health wise.  I think the cub is thriving.  I feel him moving and I know he is fine.  Ken makes me eat all this healthy crap anyway.  Like broccoli.  Without veggie dip.  Which, I mean, have you had broccoli just plain?  It's really dry.  You need a little Ranch in 'ere!  Ken claims I am an "unclean vessel" and he needs to help the baby as much as possible.  Pa. Lease.  Yeah, I did hear the FDA banned eating Doritos during pregnancy.  Too unhealthy for the mother and unborn child.  Yeah right.  Let me have my Cool Ranch, babe.  Trust me, I need them close right now.
I'm worried because I don't feel as close to this unborn child as I did with Kole.  I remember constantly rubbing my belly with Kole Bob (even before it stuck out).  I would talk to him and read and write in his journal.  I'd dream about him and make up songs for him.  Koley-Unborn took up all my thoughts.
And with this little gremlin... I sometimes forget I even am pregnant.  Like, today, I'm sorting laundry catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and think, "Time to lose that Christmas weight."  I stand up straight to take a closer look and remember I'm pregnant.  That's why my belly is sticking out.  How does a mother forget she's pregnant?  Do I really care that little? 
When I think of having a new baby I am excited about it.  I just think of it like... once a day... or every couple days.  And the rest of the time... it's completely off my star charts.
So, I have this fear that the new baby is sensing my unpurposeful neglect and is going to come out all mad and screamy.  I mean, maybe Kole is so mellow and cuddly and close because I was that way with him pre-birth.  And with this new baby... I mean...

 I could be in serious trouble here.



Julia said...

I cannot handle errands. I don't do them. Especially not with Greta. The thought of having to go to the post office sends me into panic mode, only trumped by a trip to the grocery store. Luckily, I don't even have a car--so we are back to getting dressed...which I still have a hard time doing.

Poulsen Family said...

If it puts any of your worries to rest; I feel like I bonded lots with Max in the womb and he still came out a screaming, needy, give-me-all-your-attention baby (and he still is quite the attention seeker). They each come with their own personality. My thought- you are finally feeling good again (less puking) so the constant reminder you are pregnant is no longer coming up your throat :)

Kar said...

Wow, you did all that when you were preggar with Kole? I don't think I ever read with any of my babies when they were in the womb. Maybe THAT's the problem. Hahaha! Just kidding! I think it's fantastic that you feel soooooo good that you forget you're pregnant every now and then. And not having to work and be stressed this time around? Maybe that will do really great things for this Cub, right??

SkippyMom said...

You crack me up. This is such a funny post. [You are kidding, right?]

Enjoy the pregnancy - soon there will come a time you won't be able to "forget" you are pregnant. :D

Julianna said...

I totally could have mailed those letters for you. :)

When I was pregnant with Oldest, I loved every minute of it. When he was born, I had to really struggle to connect with him. I mean, I loved him, but I didn't know him. I didn't have that instant connection that so many people have. I had months and months to learn him and all the things to love about him.

When he was 6 months old, I got pregnant with youngest. I connected instantly with him in the belly, and thankfully, after he was born I did have that instant connection. Which was great considering I had ZERO time to connect with a toddler already clinging to my leg.

My point? Each pregnancy is different, as are the hormones, the emotions, and the kids. It will be fine and it's nothing to worry about.

I am also jealous of your 3 item list. I either have 37 things on the list or 0. I'm an all or nothing kind a girl.

Elaine said...

Dear Patty, It is all normal and you are great. Things are different- not wrong. It will be just fine...
Lots of Love to you and your family.