Truth Is...

The truth is...

I read all labels on all products in my entire house.  I care very very little about nutrition facts.  I think it's more of a boredom thing.  But, lately, I have noticed I read all kinds of labels and find myself playing "Ms. Quality Control" or a little game I have come to call "Really?  REALLY?!!"

Example 1
"Ms. Quality Control."

My tube of toothpaste.  I'm not a brand snob (but I do insist on buying a toothpaste with Whitening Power.)  A couple nights ago, I'm brushing my teeth and reading the label and there is a checklist on the back of my toothpaste tube.  A list of 7 results my toothpaste offers.  And not for the first time in my life- I went down the list and graded each advertised result.

• Fights Cavities [F]  I can't prove this one... but I know I have 2 cavities right now.  And I don't feel a war waging in my mouth when I brush.  Sorry.
• Contains dentist recommended ingredients.  [A]  The list of ingredients included all kinds of Sodiums and Fluorides and Ions that I couldn't pronounce.  Bravo Procter Gamble.
• Helps the natural whiteness of your teeth come through.  [A+]  How much credit goes to the paste and how much goes to the Crest Whitening Strips is hard to say.  But my smile is dazzling. 
• Provides effective tartar protection.  [I]  In case you've been out of high school for awhile.  "I" stands for incomplete.  Which is where my evidence is.  I don't have a tartar protection measuring kit.  And I'm pretty sure they don't sell them on Amazon.  But, I might have to patent that idea.  I'm sure more than just me is curious about the level of tartar protection they are receiving.  Right?
• Is gentle on tooth enamel, leaves teeth clean and feeling smooth.  At this point I rubbed my tongue over my teeth and was quite literally stunned by how clean and, yes, smooth my teeth felt.  They should have put this right at the top of the list to really pull buyers in.  [A+++]
• Leaves breath feeling refreshed. *Hard breath onto hand.*  Mmmmm!  [A-] [C] I had to switch it to a C.  Harsh?  Maybe.  But my breath only felt that refreshing for like 3 minutes.  I'd like a longer lasting refreshing feeling.
• Tastes good without the salty aftertaste.  [B]  I think pizza tastes good.  Sushi tastes good.  Pad Thai tastes good.  When I think of things that taste good I never think of a big spoonful of toothpaste.  Come on.  They were pushing that one.  Maybe it could say "Taste good (as far as toothpastes go) without the salty aftertaste."  That would be a little more shot on.

Example 2
"Really?  REALLY?!!"

This one really has quite befuddled me.  Kole has been huge on raisins the last week of so.  He'd plop down with the box in front of the window and watch cars and eat raisins all day.  Knowing raisins are nature's candy I haven't been that worried about his consumption.  But, the label reading woman I am, I flipped the box over and read the ingredients. 
Know what it said?

Ingredients: RAISINS.

What?  I mean.  What?
Really?  REALLY?!!
Shouldn't it say Grapes?
That's like listing "Pudding" as the ingredient in pudding.  Or "Cookies" as the ingredient in cookies.  Or "Granola Bar" as the ingredient in granola bars. 
I mean - Come on!

Labels Outrage Me.