Friday, December 10, 2010

Comfort and Joy, No more

I sent Ken to the market (how green and snooty do I sound saying market) to get some nursing pads.  I was out and leaking ever. ee. where.  I asked for Lansinoh.  I said they were in a purple box and around $5.  This is what he brought home:
Not purple.  Not Lansinoh.  Not $5.  He got the nursing pads thing right.
I am one who sticks with a good thing.  If I like it I'm not changing.  I don't even want to try something else.  (Same policy applies at restaurant...get the Sticky Finger Salad at Winger's, Tampico Chicken at Garcia's, Pad Thai at the Thai House, The Henry's Fork at the SnakeBite, Chalupas at Taco Bell.... do you get the point?  I never waver.)  If it's working why look for something else, eh?  But given the fact that I was marinating my chest I decided to use what was given to me. Big mistake.
  A few things have struck me as odd about this particular product.  Numero Uno:  They are incredibly small.  The circumference might be 4 inches.  To you that might do the trick... but for Tits McGee over here... no way.  It's like trying to substitute something the size of a nickel when you need something the size of a CD.  Or a dinner plate.  I don't feel safe and protected wearing them.  I feel like I am about to spring a leak big enough to put out a burning building and all that stands between me and such a heroic feat is some itchy gauze.  I feel overly cautious... like a can't bend certain ways.  Perhaps this is because they have stickies that don't work.  The adhesive is smaller than one half of a postage stamp.  Numero Tres:  They have, what I call, nipple enhancers.  The inner layer of the pad has a little dent in it.  Perhaps a hint that this is where you should be centered.  But the outside (THE OUTSIDE) has a round nub that protrudes from the pad!  A nipple.  Just in case your lousy nursing bra does have some kind of extra coverage- this will take care of it and make sure you are always beaming.  I'm not kidding.  Or in case you don't have any nipples this will make it look like you do.  But nursing should would be tough if you're in that boat.
I only have 52 left.  That's about 7 weeks.  Maybe 8.  I guess I should be grateful.  Ken did save me a trip to the store after all.


Anonymous said...

Yeah I never really liked Johnsons either. The sticky part never stays put. I'm so glad I'm not nursing. I did nurse with Jonas though and I was all gungho about it back then. I think I'm too impatient now.

Karlenn said...

Ugh, I HATE Johnson & Johnson's nursing pads. Lansinoh is the only way to go. Yes, more expensive, but worth every penny. How is Johnson & Johnson's still selling these? They're horrible! And, if memory serves me correctly, they also stuck to my boob. Like a band-aid. Maybe that was a different brand. Maybe I'll get you Lansinoh pads for Christmas instead of my annual Christmas bread. :)

Will and Emily Empey said...

haahahaha oh my I was laughing SO hard during this post! You crack me up! I dont remember what nursing pads i got!? I sure liked them tho! Maybe it was Lansinoh- haha