Monday, July 18, 2011


All day today I have been looking at the clock going:
"It's ten to 10.  We were getting ready to head over to the hospital."
"It's 10:05.  We were driving to the hospital. I was telling Ken,'Don't speed, don't speed, don't speed.  I don't want to get pulled over."
"It's 1:00.  They wheeled in that tray of baby delivering stuff.  They broke my water."
"It's 5:46.  I was pushing."

My mom told me I would do this today.  I think it's just natural.  She also said that on the baby's first birthday it's really the mom that deserves the cake and the presents.  I would have to agree.  But I'm a big cake lover.  And who doesn't love presents.

I have felt a current of emotions today.
Starting with proud.
I am proud my little man can do all that he can.  He really impresses me.  He is sharp as a tack.  Loves to point at dogs, planes, me, Dad, food (especially oaties), and books.  I am proud that he is a lovey baby who wants to snuggle all the time.  I am proud that he is determined to reach his goals.  I know they are only little baby goals... like get the blue ball and push it into the kitchen but he tries really hard to reach them and never gives up.  That makes me proud of him.  I'm proud that he is a good sleeper and a good eater.  I am proud that he is not a complainer and I like to think I taught him that.  Though, truth be told I'm pretty sure he inherited that from his Dad.  I am also proud of myself.  For doing this.  For becoming a mom.  I consider myself one now.  I'm proud of how I raise Kole.

I've been a little teary today.
I feel like I am losing my little baby.  He has no idea that he is one now and a "toddler" but he is.  I miss holding him all day and taking naps together in the big bed.  I miss all his little teeny tiny soft cries and his little fold up bath tub.  I miss his tiny clothes (even though they were never that small).  I miss setting him on the bed and knowing he will be there no matter what.  I miss having Koley as my baby.  I remember Day 1.  It seems like Day 1 was yesterday I remember it so well.

Finally, I have felt extremely confident today.
I did it.  I made it through a whole year.  All the crying (on both of our parts), and worry, and learning, and growing, and adapting, and change... I did it.  I feel like "Bring It On July 19th!  I already did your day once and I can do it again."  I am confident that I am doing the right thing in the right way and no one knows better than I do when it comes to Koley Moley Stromboli.  He is my son.

And he is one today.
It has been a very good year.



DoublClik said...

I loved this post, and we are giving YOU a standing ovation over here. You're right Pat, you did it, and I look up to you more than you know. You're making me feel like maybe I can do this one day too! Love you!

Natalie said...

I think that Pat stands for Pat yourself on the back you super mom!

johnandjana said...

It's hard to believe that your baby is 1. You are a great Mom and congrats on making it thru.