Friday, September 23, 2011

That's Me. All Published Now.

I got a package yesterday.
I feel superior to other people when I get a package on my doorstep and they don't.
I also feel infinitely inferior when I see a package on someone else's doorstep... and part of me is always tempted to check the label to make sure the mail man didn't accidentally put my package on their doorstep.

I got a box full of the book I was recently published in.

*Cue applause*

Thank you.  Thank you. 
I really wasn't prepared to give a speech. [Holds book at a slight angle and stares at the cover before pressing it to my heart.]  But since you're all here... [wipes tear and smudges mascara]... I should have worn waterproof!  [Another fake smile and release of a  nervous (and practiced) giggle.]  Haah.  [clears throat]  It is such a pleasure to be included as one of the authors of An Eclectic Collage Volume II.  The competition was stiff and biting but the best prevailed.  Ha.  Obviously. [Half eye roll.]  I would like to start by thanking Jane Freund, my publisher who is an incredible woman.  She is innovative, kind, and unbelievably good.  She is what people call "the salt of the Earth."  I wouldn't be here in this extravagant expensive gown holding this peice of literature without her.  So, thank you Jane.  [Blows kiss.]  I would like to thank Bill Gates for Microsoft.  It makes writing so much easier.  Pencils and erasers are such a drag.  [Practiced laugh.]  My writings that were published were inspired by my son, Koley Roley Poley Canoli Fazoli Holly-Holy Likes Bertolli Poulsen.  He made me into the true version of myself. 
I'm honored and grateful for this privilege.... [tearing up]....[shakes book above head]... May writing live on!

In all seriousness, I am floored that I got published.  I'm really proud of myself.  You should check out the Freundship Press website.  And I'm selling these puppies!  They are $19.95.  You can contact me (, get it from the publisher's site, or right off Amazon in the book or Kindle version.  If you get it from me.... I'll throw in my signature... free of cost.  Just a little graveling.


SkippyMom said...

Congratulations! Not many people can say they have been published.

Your "acceptance" speech is too funny and cute.

Good luck on the sale of the book.

Boy Crazy said...

Well, congratulations to you too! You are very talented & lovely as well!!! So nice to meet you!!! You crack me up, btw.... Heather

Natalie said...

Patty can I please get an autographed copy or is that extra!!!!!