I is for I Said....

Six months ago we moved into our little house and I felt so happy.  So happy that I felt like celebrating every day.  With a pop and a cookie.  Or a pop and some ice cream.  Or a candy bar and some pop. 
I kept saying, Isn't this the greatest day? Nom nom nom.  
Then the holidays came and after they passed I got a leetle depressed.  It's annual and recoverable. 
But I'd get up and think, Nothing fun is ever going to happen again. 
And I'd drink a pop to try to remember the good old days. 
Then one morning I woke up and just stayed as I was.  In faded pajamas and messy hair.
I said, Give yourself a break.  You don't have anywhere to go today.  Just relax.  One day felt so good, I gave it a whirl for a couple days after that.  And the following week- it wasn't uncommon for Kole to be in his footy-jammies when Ken got home at 6:30. 
I'd smile and say, It's cold out.  He wanted to stay cozy.  Don't worry we didn't go anywhere.
Should have been a sign right there.  Ken should have interfered... though I probably would have bit his head off and put it on a shush-kabob.
Weeks passed and I stayed just like that.  Not dressed.  Not going anywhere.  Not all that inspired.
One day I was trying to get Kole dressed so we could take Joey in for a check up.  Kole was fighting it with all his 2-year old might.
"Kole, You have to get dressed."
"No, I don't stinky Mom!"
(Stinky is his worst insult.  Doesn't really leave a dent.)
"Yes you do."
"Why?  You don't get dressed."
And the youngling had a point.
First knife entered my heart.

I got Kole dressed and went to put my jeans on with his unintentionally hurtful words in my head.  I pulled my jean up and uh... they didn't zip.  And I don't mean the whole way- I mean like none of the zipper teeth were touching.
I put on some black leggings and a drape-y shirt and said, It's winter.  Happens to everyone.
(See how good I am at justifying?  Pro.  Fessional.  Besides that... does it happen to everyone?  I know there could be a little winter pudge... but so much pudge your jeans no longer zip?  Excessive, no?)
That day I sulked over some pop and said, That's it.  I'm changing.  I can do this. I can fit into my size 12 jeans again. 
So I went to the gym.  Once.  And was pissed when my pants didn't fit me when I got home.  True story.

So, since the gym didn't work, I decided to at least get dressed in elastic waisted pants everyday.  Show little impressionable Kole the importance of changing out of your pajamas.  Even if it be into some VS Love, or black yoga pants, or some heather gray leggings, I Would still look presentable.  Well- apparently that's a slippery slope. 
Yesterday, I was home in my pajamas all day.  After only a few weeks of my "lofty goal."  And it was just sad.
So, last night I said,  Get up and get ready.  You'll feel good.
And I did.
I squeezed into some jeans.  Put on my Rolling Stones t-shirt.  I blew out my hair and used my Chi.  I put a little makeup on and fed Koley his breakfast.
Over our bowls of Honey Nut Cheerios Kole looked uneasy.
He kept staring at me.
Then he'd tilt his head.
"What?," I asked.
"Are we going to church today?"
"Nope.  Today is Wednesday.  We go to church on Sunday."
"Well your hair looks pretty.  I thought we were going to church."
Zinger.
"Hm!,"  I said, "That makes sense.  But you can look pretty and just stay home too."
Continue eating.
More staring.
More head tilting.
"What are you looking at Kole?"
"You."
"Oh, and?"
"You look different.  Like we're going to church or something."
I smiled.
"Maybe you think I look different because I put some makeup on and fixed my hair today."
"Yeah.  That looks beautiful."
"Why Thank You Koley-roosk."
"You're welcome.  And you put your clothes on today."
"That's right!  I did!  I'm all ready for the day."
"You should do that everyday.  It feels good."

Second knife to the heart.  I don't know if he meant HE feels good when I am dressed- or if it just feels good to be dressed- or if he's just repeating something he heard me say once.  Either way- ouchie.    And shame on you, Patty!  You are setting an example for your children.  Is that example, "Look at me!  This is how to be a bum!"  Currently, (except for today) Yes!
And the buck needs to stop here.
Or... I need some money to buy some bigger jeans.

When the pooch was just getting started.  Can you see it?  Hanging there over my waistband?

Last year's A to Z: I is for Intellectual, Inventor, I Thought of That