Friday, October 17, 2008

Fatty Patty

A few months ago a client came into my office and really made me realize I was "too fat." He was older- mid 70s I'd say. He comes in once a month to pay payroll taxes. We normally talk about farming and fishing and outdoor stuff. I know close to nothing on each of those topics- but I am pretty good at pretending. Anyway- we were talking that day and he pointed to my stomach and said, "When is your baby due?" I was totally shocked! In my head I screamed, Baby? BABY?! DO I LOOK PREGNANT, FOOL?! Instead of saying no I am not pregnant and letting the guilt and shame come over HIM- I felt bad for possibly embarrassing him and so said, "Oh, no time soon." Followed by several nods and smiles. I thought the embarrassment was over, but no. He continued to give me maternity advice. "Be sure to get plenty of exercise, and don't smoke or drink and you'll have a big healthy baby." The rest of the conversation is a blur. I was caught up in my embarrassment and unbelief that he kept on going and going! I told a couple co-workers and they claimed it was the shirt I was wearing. Whatever. A couple friends said old people just don't know any better. The topic was dropped.

Until today. When he came back in. We were talking shop and suddenly he says,

"What was your baby?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your baby. Was it a boy or a girl?"

It was time to set the record straight.
"Oh! I was never pregnant. You must be thinking of someone else."

"No. I'm thinking of you. You were wearing a green shirt and I told you to get plenty of exercise. Remember? Did you have a boy or a girl?"

"Neither! I wasn't pregnant." I think it hit him then that he had called me fat.

"Oh. Well, I see you took my advice on the exercising then. Good. Clears your bloodstream. You're looking much better."

Gosh. Stop. Please, just stop talking.


Heath Family said...

Oh, I'm sorry! That guy just kept digging his own hole deeper and deeper. Well, you're NOT fat. I think old people have bad eyes and big mouths. When I'm out in public with Libby it's always the old ones who say, "Aww isn't HE cute." Umm...hello!....HE's wearing pink!!!!!!!

The Empey Fam! said...

Oh my goodness!!! you are not fat BY ANY means!!!! and i agree with Megann!!

Carolyn said...

I think you are beautiful. I am old and I don't think you look pregnant!!!!
Love you.
Carolyn Luckau

Karlenn said...

Ugh, I get comments like that all the time. When my sis got married in '06, my other sister was, like, 8 months along with her third kid. And my old bishop was talking to me, and he's all, "So, are you due at around the same time as your sister??" "Um, no..." And then I felt compelled to explain it to him: "Well, I can't afford a gym membership, and I don't have a double jogging stroller, and I have thyroid disease..." It was sad. I'm so sorry. I think you look fantastic. Seriously. You are one of the most gorgeous people I know.